“Do unto others twenty-five percent better than you expect them to do unto you…The twenty-five percent is for error.”
“I guess that’s what’s making me sick about polyamory. The idea that I need to love everyone,” she says.
I frown. “Who told you that you need to love everyone?” » Read more
crumple zone: noun
a section of an automobile body designed to absorb the force of an impact in order to protect the passengers (Merriam-Webster)
a part of a motor vehicle, especially the extreme front end and rear, designed to crumple easily in a crash and absorb the main force of an impact (Google)
I’ve written a few times about polyamory and emotional labor:
I’m yet to find a polyamorous relationship system that extends beyond a few folks that hasn’t occasionally run into these patterns of uneven one-sided emotional labor. » Read more
It’s usually one of first things you’re asked when someone finds out that you’re polyamorous: “But don’t you get jealous?” I get asked it a lot. And one of the most important realizations I had was that jealousy isn’t really an emotion.
If anything, jealousy is a system of emotions. » Read more
PQ 8.7 — Do I think that if my partner has sex with someone “better in bed” than I am, she won’t want to have sex with me anymore or won’t need me anymore?
Skyspook comes home from his date, glowing. I know what he’s been up to. Because he’s got that “shimmer” » Read more
You might think polyamory is wonderful for folks who want to date a lot. And this is true. Predictably, a philosophy that espouses the practice of having simultaneous loving relationships is a good fit for people who want to have them.
But here’s the secret:
Poly is even better for folks who enjoy playing matchmaker. » Read more
Quartz recently published a piece called “Turns out open relationships aren’t the most sexually satisfying.”
As Cassie Werber writes in the article:
Opening up a relationship can be about more than sex. Advocates talk about the deep trust forged by letting one’s partner have other relationships, » Read more
In “Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers,” I covered a few things you can do before you open up your relationship that’ll make it go a little more smoothly.
I’ve also previously written about best practices for negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements as well as how to manage things if you find that you need to renegotiate your relationship agreement (a very common scenario once the agreement has been “road tested”). » Read more
PQ 8.6 — Do I think that if my partner falls in love with another person, he will leave me for that person?
When I was in school, a lot of my classmates loved multiple choice exams.
I was that student who wouldn’t just pick an answer. » Read more
I recently stumbled across a post over at Esther Perel’s blog called “Relationship accountability and the rise of ghosting.” Post author Lindsay addresses consequences of the trend towards ambiguous entanglement and indirect and prolonged breakups and argues for more direct breakups, which they dub “power parting.”
It’s a good article with valid points and includes this chart that helpfully organizes the concepts. » Read more
If you’re an ethically nonmonogamous person and haven’t heard of Terri Conley, PhD, you’re missing out. Dr. Conley is “a social psychologist, a feminist, and a sex researcher, but not necessarily in that order.”
And Conley has arguably done more than any other person for establishing a sound scientific basis that polyamory and other forms of consensual nonmonogamy are a viable way to conduct relationships. » Read more