Scarier in Theory: Meeting Metamours Can Help Dispel the Worry That They’re Perfect

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If you’re anything like me, your imagination is really good at coming up with scary possibilities. When it comes to conjuring up irrational fear, my brain is great at wiping the floor with me.

So of course, this tendency predisposes me to feeling intimidated by new metamours. Basically, everyone’s a supermodel astrophysicist until I meet them.  » Read more

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Polymathy Confuses People Just As Much As, If Not More Than, Polyamory

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I’ve Been Poly My Whole Life — Polymathic

I’m different than a lot of other polyamorous educators because I haven’t been polyamorous my whole life. In fact, polyamory wasn’t even something I seriously considered until I was in my late 20s. Before then, I hadn’t even heard of the word. And I couldn’t fathom how non-monogamous relationships could be conducted in a way that was respectful and mutually beneficial for everyone involved.  » Read more

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In Polyamory, Comfort Is a Huge Time-Saver

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One of the questions I’m most often asked by monogamous or polycurious people is “How do you have time for it all?”

Typically, my reflex is to dive into some time management principles. Talk about different frameworks that can help you to prioritize (for example, Eisenhower/Covey’s time management matrix). Perhaps I’ll discuss the 80/20 Pareto principle,  » Read more

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4 Things I’ve Found to Be True While Dating Polyamorously Regardless of Current Role

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Whenever possible, I try to offer advice that applies to all sorts of relationships, whether that’s polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between. And when I’m advising polyamorous folks in particular, I do my best to offer advice that will apply to people in a range of different relationship configurations.  Not just help for secondaries,  » Read more

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It’s More Important to Follow Through on Your Commitments When You Don’t Have Exclusivity to Fall Back On 

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“My head’s a little messed up,” she says.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

She tells me a pretty woeful tale. Without getting into too many details, her partner has violated their relationship agreement. And badly.

“I imagine that had to be a tough conversation,” I say.

“It was,”  » Read more

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