We are not alone, but are biologically wired and evolutionarily designed to be deeply connected to one another.
I’ve never been able to stop love once it starts. I grow things to their limit. Like an overzealous plant sending out runners in every direction. Choking the garden with roots. » Read more
“I’ve been polyamorous for years,” she says. “And we’ve done so many things together. Wild adventures. I’ve seen her do sexual stuff plenty of times with others. It never bothered me. But I walked in on them in each other’s arms and… ugh.”
“And it pulled at you?” I say, nodding. » Read more
PQ 9.12 — Am I asked to “respect” my partner or her other partners, but feel that this respect is not reciprocated?
There’s a great quote that has been flying around the Internet the past couple of years about respect:
Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” » Read more
There are few things scarier than falling in love with someone who lacks an emotional immune system. An internal sense of “this is how I’d like to be treated.” Ways of identifying harmful behaviors. And the ability to ward off those who would mistreat them.
This state of vulnerability is bad enough in monogamy. » Read more
I’ve long been a fan of Amy Gahran’s work. Under her pen name Aggie Sez, Gahran founded the blog solopoly.net, where she has been writing for many years about the unique challenges faced by those who tackle “life, relationships, and dating as a free agent.”
One post in particular, “Riding the Relationship Escalator, » Read more
PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?
I’ve written a bit about the importance of letting others have privacy in an earlier piece: Buttinski, #1 Metamour, or Compervert: Walking that Fine Line. As I wrote then:
While an overall atmosphere of transparency is a wonderful thing in polyamory (as it can promote understanding and build trust), » Read more
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
“My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory?” he says.
I nod. “When I wrote that book, » Read more
“I don’t know how you do it,” she says.
“Do what?” I say.
“Polyamory,” she says.
“Happily,” I reply.
She laughs. “It just always seems like you have something stressful going on. If it’s not an issue with one of your partners, something’s going on with one of their partners. » Read more
“If you asked most people whether they believed in love or not, they’d probably say they didn’t. Yet that’s not necessarily what they truly think. It’s just the way they defend themselves against what they want. They believe in it, but pretend they don’t until they’re allowed to. Most people would throw away all their cynicism if they could. » Read more
“So I know we talked about meeting in the afternoon, but are you free tomorrow evening?” I ask CC.
“Actually,” CC says. “I might be meeting up with a girl from OkCupid.”
“Ah,” I say.
“Provided she writes back to me. She hasn’t yet.”
I sigh. “Okay.” » Read more