I’ve seen amazing relationship systems, where people were happy, things were harmonious — and everyone in them suffered mostly from a kind of “pinch me” syndrome.
Being successful at polyamory really is about choosing the hard thing that helps you grow.
The fantasy of being a hinge — i.e., a person in two or more relationships with partners who are not involved with one another — is quite different than the reality.
There is something extremely powerful in having real-time simultaneous deep connections.
I was mistreated by a couple I dated in the worst possible way.
When you outgrow your relationship agreement, it’s a kind of success — not an indictment of relationship agreements.
If freaking racecar drivers can share so seamlessly, there’s hope for the rest of us, I say.
I get the following question a lot: “Can you learn to be polyamorous?”
“Maybe I need 2 boyfriends so they can ‘well actually’ each other and it’ll cancel out and I can just feel good about myself,” she says.
“I can tell you’re joking,” I say, “but that’s totally happened to me.”
There’s a saying in polyamorous circles that has been around for a very long time — longer than I’ve been in them, that’s for sure. It’s “relationship broken, add more people.” It’s a recipe for disaster, something that’s said with a laugh about a certain kind of couple that might find themselves either exploring polyamory or opening up some other way.
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