The Crumple Zone: Partners Who Bear the Impact

The front end of a black car, driver's side. It has clearly been involved in an accident. The crumple zone (the nose of the car) is all banged up.
Image by Rick Marshall / CC BY

crumple zone: noun

a section of an automobile body designed to absorb the force of an impact in order to protect the passengers (Merriam-Webster)

a part of a motor vehicle, especially the extreme front end and rear, designed to crumple easily in a crash and absorb the main force of an impact (Google)

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I’ve written a few times about polyamory and emotional labor:

I’m yet to find a polyamorous relationship system that extends beyond a few folks that hasn’t occasionally run into these patterns of uneven one-sided emotional labor.  » Read more

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PQ 8.7 — Do I think that if my partner has sex with someone “better in bed” than I am, she won’t want to have sex with me anymore or won’t need me anymore?

A bed with a white comforter and two pillows. The left pillow has a scene of what looks like a young girl and a horse printed on it. The right pillow is burgundy colored. There's a patch of rainbow light streaming across the middle of the bed.
Image by Jared Tarbell / CC BY

PQ 8.7 — Do I think that if my partner has sex with someone “better in bed” than I am, she won’t want to have sex with me anymore or won’t need me anymore?

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Skyspook comes home from his date, glowing. I know what he’s been up to. Because he’s got that “shimmer”  » Read more

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Are Open Relationships Less Sexually Satisfying or Is Dating?: An Alternate Hypothesis

a blue lightbulb
Image by Bill Smith / CC BY

Quartz recently published a piece called “Turns out open relationships aren’t the most sexually satisfying.”

As Cassie Werber writes in the article:

Opening up a relationship can be about more than sex. Advocates talk about the deep trust forged by letting one’s partner have other relationships,  » Read more

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9 Steps for Having an Accountability Talk with a Partner When Things Go Wrong

It's a yellow poster board paper. In the center in large letters is the word "Accountability." It also says (moving from top left and moving clockwise): "stay on course," "walk the walk," "reflect and grow," "consequences," "This dog has teeth!" "be real - not fake," "stand and deliver," and "keep your commitments"
Image by United Workers / CC BY

In “Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers,” I covered a few things you can do before you open up your relationship that’ll make it go a little more smoothly.

I’ve also previously written about best practices for negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements as well as how to manage things if you find that you need to renegotiate your relationship agreement (a very common scenario once the agreement has been “road tested”).   » Read more

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Icing, Simmering, or Balancing Multiple Priorities? Another Way Polyamory Requires Trust

4 stones of different sizes, delicately balanced, on a beach
Image by orinoko42 / CC BY

I recently stumbled across a post over at Esther Perel’s blog called “Relationship accountability and the rise of ghosting.” Post author Lindsay addresses consequences of the trend towards ambiguous entanglement and indirect and prolonged breakups and argues for more direct breakups, which they dub “power parting.”

It’s a good article with valid points and includes this chart that helpfully organizes the concepts.  » Read more

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Stigma, Funding, and Getting Off the Fringe: An Interview with Dr. Terri Conley

a small green brain embroidered on a circular canvas, sitting on a wooden table
Image by Hey Paul Studios / CC BY

If you’re an ethically nonmonogamous person and haven’t heard of Terri Conley, PhD, you’re missing out. Dr. Conley is “a social psychologist, a feminist, and a sex researcher, but not necessarily in that order.”

And Conley has arguably done more than any other person for establishing a sound scientific basis that polyamory and other forms of consensual nonmonogamy are a viable way to conduct relationships.  » Read more

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