“This is a weird and difficult time to be polyamorous,” he says.
And I know what he means. I’m not sure what to do with it all. With any of it.
It’s tempting at times like these to come up with a quick answer that sounds good. To make up flowcharts or guides that address the problems we want to have rather than the ones we actually have. » Read more
I recently posted an essay called “A Bad Partner Fit Can Make You Feel Like You’re Worthless.” In it, I contrast two relationships I’ve been in, not by discussing the qualities of the two different partners, but by sharing the different ways they described me:
It’s easy to come up with differences between those two relationships. » Read more
I’ve been reading more and more about a new relationship term lately: Self-partnering.
It had a big pop culture moment last month when Emma Watson declared herself self-partnered in an interview.
Since then, multiple articles have spun off, and people are talking more and more about the idea of self-partnering. The concept that a person could be single but not feel lonely, » Read more
Have you ever met someone who is fantastic at first? There’s something fun and shiny about them.
Maybe they’re things that you’re missing in the rest of your life. That you don’t know anybody else who does well. Or can engage with you on that particular level.
Maybe these aspects are so shiny that you are quick to forgive many things that should have given you cause for concern. » Read more
“I love your new book,” she said.
“Thanks,” I replied. “I don’t usually like what I write, but I’m proud of that one. I’m happy with how it turned out.”
“I’m glad someone said it,” she said. “Loud and clear.”
“That metamour relationships can be difficult sometimes. » Read more
Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.
They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist, » Read more
It’s been interesting, the past decade. Polyamory went from being a relatively obscure term, something that was only discussed in low-tech ancient discussion groups that looked basically like .txt files posted by a few obsessive outliers, to being covered by major news outlets. (The history of this emergence is well covered by Alan M’s blog Polyamory in the News)
While people disagree on whether consensual non-monogamy has caught on as a practice during that time (some people say no, » Read more
Any recommendations for songs with polyamory-friendly lyrics?
Oh man, oh man, have I ever been there. Listening to a romantic song and getting excited – only to get hit in the face with “and you’re my one and only forever and ever” » Read more
Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.
People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy. » Read more
Can you learn to be polyamorous? the reader asks.
Yes, you can.
Well, sort of.
Because so much of the work I did in my early days as a polyamorous person wasn’t about learning polyamory but about unlearning what I’d been taught about relationships. » Read more