I bite my tongue yet again, not sure if she remembers that I’ve dated couples. And not just one couple. » Read more
“I could never share my partner,” she says. “I mean, if you really love someone, you want to spend all of your time with them.”
Except it’s not really like that.
Most people can’t spend all of their time together.
It’s very common for monogamous couples to spend time apart. » Read more
“There are moments, such as the one that oppresses me now, when I feel my own self far more than I feel external things, and everything transforms into a night of rain and mud where, lost in the solitude of an out-of-the-way station, I wait interminably for the next third-class train.”
-Fernando Pessoa, » Read more
Is there a way to feel safe in poly? Right now I feel like I can only get that “security” being in a monogamous relationship. But I’m drawn to poly.
Yes, there is. It’s not instant, and it takes a lot of self-work, but with sustained practice, you can foster a sense of personal security. » Read more
I love to work, I love to work, I love to work out after work.
I’d love to spend a little time with this woman I’m seeing,
Except, uh, we never really get any time to spend together,
So, we call each other up, and we talk about work.
“My partner is a reflection of me,” she said.
“What he does,” she continued. “Who he chooses to spend time with.”
“And your metamour?” I said.
“She’s not someone I’d have chosen for him. Not someone I’d choose for myself. Do you know what I mean?” » Read more
“Polyamory?” I’m sometimes asked. “Isn’t that a lot of hard work?”
And the poly honor student answer goes a little something like this: “Of course it is! But it’s well worth the effort.”
But I’m not much of an honor student. And the truth is? The way I’ve learned to approach polyamory, » Read more
So you’ve taken the leap into polyamory. Worked hard on your insecurities. Found partners to explore relationships with. Heck, you’ve even negotiated effective relationship agreements.
You’re living the dream!
And they all live happily ever after, right?
Well. Not so fast.
It’s very common to find that your relationship agreement works out differently in practice than it did in theory. » Read more
Negotiating boundaries and setting expectations are both crucial in polyamory. Being polyamorous involves moving away from The Standard Romantic Relationship Script, in which society largely defines expectations and rules in relationships. And instead, in polyamory it’s vital to look to the people within the relationship to define and develop what those expectations should be. I’ve written previously about best practices for negotiating relationship agreements, » Read more
PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?
I’m often asked, especially by newly polyamorous folks, if it’s possible to get better at dealing with stress that comes from adjusting to it all. Can we make peace with unhelpful social scripts we’ve learned from a society that overwhelmingly tells us that monogamy is the only reasonable, » Read more