9 Steps for Having an Accountability Talk with a Partner When Things Go Wrong

It's a yellow poster board paper. In the center in large letters is the word "Accountability." It also says (moving from top left and moving clockwise): "stay on course," "walk the walk," "reflect and grow," "consequences," "This dog has teeth!" "be real - not fake," "stand and deliver," and "keep your commitments"
Image by United Workers / CC BY

In “Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers,” I covered a few things you can do before you open up your relationship that’ll make it go a little more smoothly.

I’ve also previously written about best practices for negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements as well as how to manage things if you find that you need to renegotiate your relationship agreement (a very common scenario once the agreement has been “road tested”).   » Read more

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PQ 3.1 — Have I disclosed all relevant information to everyone affected by my decision?

a red telephone, one with a dial
Image by DaveBleasdale / CC BY

PQ 3.1 — Have I disclosed all relevant information to everyone affected by my decision? (Chapter 3 questions are all asked in the context of ones to ask to evaluate whether your choices are ethical.)

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“You can’t just add on another relationship without consulting anybody. That’s not how poly fucking works!”  » Read more

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Body Polytic: Why Poly People Don’t Like Being Called Swingers

a red swing
Image by Selma90 / CC BY

One of the most common questions I run into as I talk with polyamorous folks and frequent forums is: Why do poly people get upset when you call them swingers? What’s so bad about being a swinger?

I’ve struggled with this question a lot myself. I used to get really upset when people would call me a swinger.  » Read more

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Poly Honor Student Answers: Defensiveness and Stigma

poly honor student, black and white photo of a young boy scout holding up two fingers like a peace sign
Image by greg westfall / CC BY

A lot of us are guilty of giving poly honor student answers.

“You’re poly?” we’re asked. “Aren’t you worried about diseases?”

And we answer with the standard-issue Poly Honor Student answer, which goes a little something like this: “Of course we are, but we all practice safe sex and are regularly tested.”

Of course,  » Read more

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Nocebo? No Thanks

a multicolored assortment of pills with a heart-shaped space in the center

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.”
-André Gide

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Just about everyone has heard of the placebo effect.

Nocebo effect, on the other hand, is far less widely known.

Nocebo effect is the opposite of placebo effect. It’s the belief that we’re being exposed to harmful substances when in fact we are not,  » Read more

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Hanging by a Thread: New Partners and Pseudo-Anxious Attachment

black and white photo of 2 sneakers hanging from a power line
Image by mattw1ls0n / CC BY

I wrote recently about attachment styles and how they come into play during relationships. In that post, I mentioned that the most difficult combination occurs when a person with anxious attachment is in a relationship with someone whose attachment style is avoidant.  Anxious types, fueled by an insatiable emotional hunger, seek that closeness from their avoidant partner,  » Read more

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