“You look absolutely fine to me,” I tell the little girl in my childhood photos. And as I do, it occurs to me that I should give my adult self the same compassion that’s so easy to give that child.
As I’m sitting here, about to do a lot of hard work, I’m proud of two things: I’m proud that I slowed down when I wasn’t feeling well. And I’m proud that now that I’m doing a touch better, that I’m doing what I promised myself I would do. I’m catching up. And I’m being kind to myself while I do.
“You’re doing an awful lot for other people. I want to make sure you’re getting something out of it. The last thing I want to do is see you burn out,” I say.
“The same for you,” she says.
“Oh, don’t worry about me,” I reply. “I don’t count. I’m not a person.”
Make no mistake. I’m not always positive. But I’m definitely a lot more positive than I used to be. And it’s been lifechanging. So much better.
Today’s article is a guest post by frequent Poly.Land contributor Fluffy about what they’ve learned from two of the worst years of their life.
You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings. -Pearl S. Buck
Some weeks you get a refresher course in gratitude. This past one was last like that for me.
I’ve never been enough for you, not the way I am. “I want to be close to you,” you’ve always said to me, “but I want you to do everything differently.”
I can be brave for me, and I can help you be brave for you. But I can’t be brave enough for both of us. I wish I could feel things for you that you’re not ready, willing, or able to feel. And vice versa.
“All of me
Why not take all of me?”
-lyrics, “All of Me,” Jazz standard
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