There was a meme that got really popular a while back that advised people who were dating folks who had been abused in the past. They’ll be grateful for little things, the meme said. And they’ll try to thank you for that. You need to discourage that behavior, the meme advised.
I’m bad at telling the people in my life that I’m sad when I am. It’s something I’ve been working on. It’s hard for me.
Some people tear down the people around them so that they can look impressive in comparison. They’re willing to clear-cut the forest if it means they can be the tallest tree.
Stubbornness can look an awful lot like self-love from the outside looking in… but feel completely different.
What is productivity dysmorphia anyway? It’s an unhealthy relationship with your sense of productivity. When you achieve things, you may suffer from a nagging inner voice that says, “So what? What’s the big deal?” Yes, you may experience this even as other people congratulate you for your achievements.
I feel like I’m getting close to oblivion again. Like I’m playing self-disrespect chicken. And yet… I can’t step back. The best I can do is hold still and wait.
It’s been a weird couple of years. For me personally. But as I type those words, I’m painfully aware of how that statement resonates with practically everyone: “It’s been a weird couple of years.”
“It’s time that you gave yourself a chance. We all trust you so much. You should trust yourself too. We want that for you.”
“You know how you always want more for the people you love?” he says. “We want that for you, too.”
I sigh. I can piece together what he’s saying, connect the dots, and understand how it makes logical sense. But it’s so hard for me to feel it.
Maybe temporarily lowered expectations is a form of self-love I can actually get behind. Not the self-aggrandizing kind of self-love where I think I’m all that and a bag of chips or can do no wrong. But one where I can extend a little grace to myself when I’m struggling, allow myself a slower day without guilt. A self-love where I can trust myself to catch up later on the slack I’ve cut myself.
Poly.Land is a daily posting site for polyamory, ambiamory, relationship advice, psychology, writing, and more.
Poly.Land is produced by Braided Studios, LLC.
