I’m lying supine on a massage table in a dark room. There’s new age music playing, but not the kind that screams “hey, look at me, I’m new age music.” Instead, it’s the ponderous ambient kind. Music that has a way of combing your mind into straight rows when you’re least expecting it. Helping you work the kinks out. » Read more
Bargains with God, Bargains with the Devil
“Worrying is praying for stuff you don’t want.”
Bargains with God
When I was little, I used to make little bargains with God. Especially on long car rides. I’d ask God to introduce himself in a way that I could understand but nothing so dramatic as to blow his cover or make it so that others wouldn’t have to have faith in order to keep believing in him. » Read more
You’re Only as Sick As Your Secrets
My feelings on 12-step programs are complicated. While some people have gained a ton of personal benefit from them, my own experiences in 12-step programs were considerably more checkered and regrettable. That, coupled with having read extensive research that counters a lot of the core claims of those programs, has generally soured me on them. » Read more
The Ever-Present Threat of Psychological Grief Bacon
There’s a word I learned recently. Kummerspeck. It’s German. Its literal meaning is “grief bacon.”
Figuratively, it’s used to mean the weight you gain from emotional eating.
When it comes to grief bacon, the struggle is real. Don’t I know that.
Because ten years ago, I lost 160 pounds. » Read more
What’s the Difference Between Masochism and Self-Harm?
Hi Page,
I’ve been exploring my more kinky side and I would definitely say I’m a masochist. However, I’ve recently been wondering if I’ve been seeking this out as a new form of self-harm. I used to self-harm in the past and have stopped for a few years, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve just placed the responsibility on someone else. » Read more
When You’ve Turned Into Your Parents, Just Not in the Way You Expected
A while ago, I wrote a piece called “Abused Kids Get to Look Like Their Bullies“:
On countless mornings, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror and want to punch myself in the face.
Because I look like her at certain angles.
Her chin, strong but not square. » Read more
A Different Kind of Self-Confidence: Letting Enough Be Enough Rather than Needing to Feel Like You’re the Best
There’s always been a lot of pressure to express self-confidence a certain way, in grandiose inflated terms, something that goes a little like this:
“I know I’m terrific. Wonderful. The absolute best. No one and nothing’s gonna hold me back.”
But for me, it’s just not realistic. When I speak the words, » Read more
I Used to Watch Other People Watch Movies
I have a lot of movies that I’ve technically watched but haven’t really seen. Ones where I could maybe tell you who the major characters are and what the film is vaguely about (maybe), but most of the smaller details of the plot are lost on me.
There’s a reason for this. » Read more
When We Become Adults, We Start Parenting Ourselves
When we become adults, we start parenting ourselves.
And this can be good or bad, depending on what models you had for it.
I was at a bit of a disadvantage in this department, as the one model I’d had for parenting caused emotional paralysis.
I grew up in a strict authoritarian household. » Read more
“Could You Not Talk About Your Struggles with Anxiety in Public?”
Could you not talk about your struggles with anxiety in public? she writes. I love your writing. Your Facebook page is amazing. The memes you post.
You’re my favorite writer on polyamory and kink. The only one that I read and don’t end up rolling my eyes constantly. » Read more