Codependence is an overused term implying that normal partner interdependence is somehow dysfunctional.
The concept and terminology came out of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement; the addicted were seen as trapped in a web of dependency with others (their enablers, or codependents) who made excuses for and assisted the addicts in avoiding the consequences of their addiction, » Read more
I keep meticulous records. It’s something I normally do very quietly and subtly. Most people don’t notice. Really, only if you’re living with me and are paying attention is it evident.
I’m told it’s a bit unnerving, like a therapist who’s writing with a fury while you spill your deepest and darkest secrets in session. » Read more
“You should hear what he says about you when you’re not around,” she says.
“Oh?” I say. She has my attention.
“He says your writing is too personal, that you open up and share too much,” she says.
I’m stunned by this news. To my face he’s never been anything other than complimentary. » Read more
“God hath given you one face, and you make yourself another.”
-William Shakespeare, Hamlet
On countless mornings, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror and want to punch myself in the face.
Because I look like her at certain angles.
Her chin, » Read more
There are few things scarier than falling in love with someone who lacks an emotional immune system. An internal sense of “this is how I’d like to be treated.” Ways of identifying harmful behaviors. And the ability to ward off those who would mistreat them.
This state of vulnerability is bad enough in monogamy. » Read more
Every fall into love involves the triumph of hope over self-knowledge. We fall in love hoping we won’t find in another what we know is in ourselves, all the cowardice, weakness, laziness, dishonesty, compromise, and stupidity. We throw a cordon of love around the chosen one and decide that everything within it will somehow be free of our faults. » Read more
“Face the demons if they approach, but don’t go demon hunting,” my friend Gull says.
It’s solid advice.
At one point in my life, I was totally overrun by demons. They poured in like one of those epic scenes in The Lord of the Rings. Think the Battle of Helmsdeep. » Read more
PTSD Is Like Grieving Your Own Death, Comforting Your Own Ghost
“You should really write fiction again,” Skyspook says.
I shudder. “Ugh. Why?”
He looks at me curiously. “Because you’ve got a hell of a brain. And your non-fiction is so good. It draws people in. Imagine what you could do with fiction.” » Read more
“Is it normal to get the hang of the compersion thing when it comes to romantic relationships? But struggle when it comes to your friends?” she says.
“By struggling when it comes to your friends you mean…?”
“I just look around and see all these good things happening to my friends, » Read more
If you’re anything like me, you run into times where you struggle with self-doubt. Especially when solving problems with ambiguous solutions. Or doing something creative.
And when you’re struggling, you’ll catch yourself midsentence saying something like, “No, no, that’s not right. That’s stupid.”
Redlining your own work over and over again for hours with little to show for your effort. » Read more