They Tell You to Love Yourself First, But Support Systems Are a Huge Advantage

4 hands spelling out "L-O-V-E." The hands appear to all belong to different people
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

“If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else” is something that other people basically never stop saying. Only people with high self-esteem (positive self-regard) can truly engage in healthy, long-lasting relationships, people claim. The rest of the world is out of luck. Doomed to failed relationships and/or a life alone.

And like anything that gets said over and over again,  » Read more

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For Better or Worse, You Don’t Get to Control How Other People See You

a closeup of a pair of glasses
Image by Brett Bolkowy / CC BY

I’m sitting in a pew, attending mass at the church I attended growing up.

It’s been 7 years since I went to a service here, on another visit to my hometown, but surprisingly little has changed since then.

Actually, surprisingly little has changed from 30 years ago, when I was a small child doing my best to remain quiet and tolerate the unending boredom,  » Read more

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Perpetually Prepping for Doomsday Isn’t a Great Use of Energy

person wearing a gas mask
Image by Konstantin Stepanov / CC BY

I started watching a new show while Justin was off in Dallas for the weekend, one of the earliest trips he made there, interviewing for a new position. It was a show that had popped up in his Netflix queue as “recommended.” Mostly, I think, because I sometimes watch shows under his user profile instead of remembering to flip it over to mine.  » Read more

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It’s Frustrating, But You Can’t Rush Your Feelings — and Trying To Can Make Everything Worse

a yellow flower bud that hasn't opened yet
Image by Carl Mueller / CC BY

I’m currently prepping for a move from Ohio to Texas. There’s a lot to be done logistically since I have had to prepare my house here for sale — and as quickly as possible.

A lot of friends were really surprised by what I did first. They presumed the very first thing I’d do is pack up the house.  » Read more

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Managing a D/s Dynamic When Your Partner Faces Mental Health Challenges

a brain in chains
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Today’s article is a guest post by Fay Creature.

Fay Creature has been practicing polyamory since 1998 and kink since 2003. She is queer – in sexuality, gender, and her approach to relationships, power exchange, and BDSM.

And check out what she wrote for Poly Land today:

Mental Health and My D/s Dynamics

I believe that BDSM can be very healing,  » Read more

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Be Patient With Yourself. You’re Carrying More Tension Than You Realize.

a rubber duckie sitting atop a pile of three very fluffy bath towels
Image by Tim Reckmann / CC BY

I’m lying supine on a massage table in a dark room. There’s new age music playing, but not the kind that screams “hey, look at me, I’m new age music.” Instead, it’s the ponderous ambient kind. Music that has a way of combing your mind into straight rows when you’re least expecting it. Helping you work the kinks out.  » Read more

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Bargains with God, Bargains with the Devil

a cloud that's shaped like an angel
Image by Nicolas Raymond / CC BY

“Worrying is praying for stuff you don’t want.”

Jen Sincero

Bargains with God

When I was little, I used to make little bargains with God. Especially on long car rides. I’d ask God to introduce himself in a way that I could understand but nothing so dramatic as to blow his cover or make it so that others wouldn’t have to have faith in order to keep believing in him.  » Read more

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You’re Only as Sick As Your Secrets

Red stamped letters that say "SECRET." Below this is a closeup of typewritten letters (it appears to be part of a larger cropped document), which reads: on of suitable wa ighting force in"
Image by RetrictedData / CC BY

My feelings on 12-step programs are complicated. While some people have gained a ton of personal benefit from them, my own experiences in 12-step programs were considerably more checkered and regrettable. That, coupled with having read extensive research that counters a lot of the core claims of those programs, has generally soured me on them.  » Read more

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