I don’t write about it all that often because weight tends to be a touchy or full-on traumatizing matter for people, regardless of your relationship to it, but from 2009-2012, I lost 160 pounds.
The first question people typically ask at this point is “how did you do it?” The answer usually disappoints them. » Read more
“I think you’re much too hard on yourself,” he says. “You have a strong negative self-bias.”
“One of the strongest of anyone you’ve ever met?” I ask.
He nods. “You think everything’s your fault, whenever anything goes wrong. And it’s not.”
I know what he means. In a perverse confirmation of what he’s saying, » Read more
What can I say about 2020? Not a lot that hasn’t already been said. If I’d tried to explain the past few months to my former self, I don’t think I could have possibly understood. I’m not sure I would have been able to convince myself that it would unfold the way it has.
It’s unbelievable. » Read more
I’ve managed to make a lot of progress over the years, working on myself. Figuring out ways to bring out my natural strengths. And at the same time, improving or at least compensating for my weaknesses.
But the truth is that I’m still struggling. And I think it’s always going to be that way. » Read more
In my dream last night, I poured a soda over someone else’s head.
This is something I’ve never done in real life, although there have been moments when I wanted to. When I’ve thought about doing it, because someone’s said something that offends me to my core.
But I’ve never actually done it. » Read more
It’s one of those days.
Sometimes I get so damned tired of the questions my brain asks me that I can’t answer.
Some days I wake up exhausted for seemingly no reason. Not because I didn’t get enough sleep (although that’s always a struggle). But feeling as though an important part of me can’t get any rest. » Read more
“You know,” she says, “I relate to a lot of the work you’ve written on childhood abuse.”
“I’d say ‘thank you,’” I reply, “but part of me wants to say ‘I’m sorry.’ Because it’s often not a good thing, that those particular writings resonate.”
“Well, no,” she says. » Read more
There is a monster sitting on my chest.
No one else can see him.
But I know he’s there. I can feel him sitting there. He’s comfortable where he is. He’s happiest when I’m unhappy. Most comfortable when I’m uncomfortable.
He comes and goes as he pleases. Sometimes, though, » Read more
For a very long time, I asked myself one question over and over again: Am I enough?
I’d use the question to try to predict the future. Before I’d enter contests, I’d ask myself — am I good enough to win?
And if I thought the answer was no, I wouldn’t even try. » Read more
“If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else” is something that other people basically never stop saying. Only people with high self-esteem (positive self-regard) can truly engage in healthy, long-lasting relationships, people claim. The rest of the world is out of luck. Doomed to failed relationships and/or a life alone.
And like anything that gets said over and over again, » Read more