My feelings on 12-step programs are complicated. While some people have gained a ton of personal benefit from them, my own experiences in 12-step programs were considerably more checkered and regrettable. That, coupled with having read extensive research that counters a lot of the core claims of those programs, has generally soured me on them. » Read more
The Ever-Present Threat of Psychological Grief Bacon
There’s a word I learned recently. Kummerspeck. It’s German. Its literal meaning is “grief bacon.”
Figuratively, it’s used to mean the weight you gain from emotional eating.
When it comes to grief bacon, the struggle is real. Don’t I know that.
Because ten years ago, I lost 160 pounds. » Read more
What’s the Difference Between Masochism and Self-Harm?
Hi Page,
I’ve been exploring my more kinky side and I would definitely say I’m a masochist. However, I’ve recently been wondering if I’ve been seeking this out as a new form of self-harm. I used to self-harm in the past and have stopped for a few years, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve just placed the responsibility on someone else. » Read more
When You’ve Turned Into Your Parents, Just Not in the Way You Expected
A while ago, I wrote a piece called “Abused Kids Get to Look Like Their Bullies“:
On countless mornings, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror and want to punch myself in the face.
Because I look like her at certain angles.
Her chin, strong but not square. » Read more
A Different Kind of Self-Confidence: Letting Enough Be Enough Rather than Needing to Feel Like You’re the Best
There’s always been a lot of pressure to express self-confidence a certain way, in grandiose inflated terms, something that goes a little like this:
“I know I’m terrific. Wonderful. The absolute best. No one and nothing’s gonna hold me back.”
But for me, it’s just not realistic. When I speak the words, » Read more
I Used to Watch Other People Watch Movies
I have a lot of movies that I’ve technically watched but haven’t really seen. Ones where I could maybe tell you who the major characters are and what the film is vaguely about (maybe), but most of the smaller details of the plot are lost on me.
There’s a reason for this. » Read more
When We Become Adults, We Start Parenting Ourselves
When we become adults, we start parenting ourselves.
And this can be good or bad, depending on what models you had for it.
I was at a bit of a disadvantage in this department, as the one model I’d had for parenting caused emotional paralysis.
I grew up in a strict authoritarian household. » Read more
“Could You Not Talk About Your Struggles with Anxiety in Public?”
Could you not talk about your struggles with anxiety in public? she writes. I love your writing. Your Facebook page is amazing. The memes you post.
You’re my favorite writer on polyamory and kink. The only one that I read and don’t end up rolling my eyes constantly. » Read more
Sometimes the Best Way to Feel Better Is to Forget Yourself & Focus on Other People Instead
For a femme, I am really terrible at doing my makeup.
For real. I didn’t know the first thing, had practically never worn a stitch of makeup — let alone put it on myself — until a few years ago.
And even since then, I’ve been fuzzy on the particulars. » Read more
Could Procrastination Sometimes Be a Form of Masochism?
It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.
You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. » Read more