I’ve been holding on to something for a long time. A very long time.
Category: Mental Health
We must check in on these other emotions that are quieter and more easily forgotten. It’s very much like creating space for a quiet friend to participate in a conversation when they’re trying to talk but no one is listening to them.
I’ve had a really hard time the past couple of years, thinking that people don’t like me. Seriously, it’s been a very marked uptick the past few years.
The sneaky thing about burnout is that fun things can lead to it. Not just work-work.
I love doing my own thing and having my sweet little life to savor.
We don’t do a good job celebrating a calm heart or a calm life. But now that I’ve experienced both, I can honestly tell you that there’s nothing I enjoy more.
People who know me well consistently point to things I do and say, “Yes, that’s you being hyperindependent again. It’s the hyperindependence of the traumatized again.” The idea is that when bad things have happened to you, the way you avoid learning helplessness is to be become very self-sufficient. You become strong. Take care of yourself.
My biggest problem isn’t that other people aren’t judging my for my timeline — I am.
I’m tired of this entire pattern. I think it’s time to admit to myself how I feel. Because shame lives in the shadows. And I don’t want to be stuck there anymore.
“You know, it’s funny,” I say to my friend. “Other people have been encouraging me to get out and do more, all fun things, but I haven’t wanted to. And they said this meant I was depressed, but I have to say… now that I have a few things off my plate, I feel so much relief. So much relief.”