The other day I got a question from a reader in response to my essay on the importance of being around gracious people. This is true all of the time, really, but particularly when you’re in a polyamorous relationship system.
They asked me a question that might seem obvious but hit me rather funny. » Read more
I’m a recovering people pleaser. There’s no getting around it. As I’ve been working on those issues for nearly a decade and have made an incredible amount of progress, some people might go so far as to call me a recovered people pleaser.
But I won’t go that far. Not yet. And probably not ever. » Read more
I’m sitting in the midst of yet another week where folks seem hellbent on limboing under my already perilously low expectations.
I’ve heard it said so many times, typically by someone smug and tipping an imaginary or real hat, as they intone words they act like they made up but are just parroting. » Read more
There are lots of important things I was never told about relationships. Not told by popular depictions of course, which are really a strange way to learn about what relationships are like (although a lot of us do learn primarily this way).
But also not told by my parents. Or anyone else, really. » Read more
I have been getting random Internet messages from people I don’t know for a very long time. Certainly these days — but well before. Back before I wrote daily in public or managed a large social media page, I still got a steady stream of outreaches from strangers.
I’ve never quite reasoned why. » Read more
“God,” I say. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m rushing around the kitchen. He’s not supposed to be here yet, but he is. My math was wrong. He’s home a few minutes earlier than I thought he would be. And dinner is not quite ready.
Well, it’s not served at least. It’s just about cooked. » Read more
I recently wrote an essay called “It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me.” Here’s an excerpt:
I was used to being self-reliant. I had been conditioned my entire life to never ask for help because it meant being sharply criticized by others or told that I was weak for asking. » Read more
I remember being scared a lot when we first started dating. Suspicious. Worried.
Not about you. Not about us. Or our fit. No, we always made sense to me.
I was worried because you kept doing nice things for me. Completely unprompted. You paid close attention to me, and you saw the areas of my life that were unwieldy and offered to help. » Read more
I’ve been having a fun time writing these essays about being a recovering people pleaser. Here are the first two I wrote.
11/25/2019 – Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher
11/29/2019 – I Didn’t Want to Change
In these articles, I’ve been talking about odd quirks that come with my history of people pleasing. » Read more
As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.
On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways. » Read more