We all mess up from time to time. We’re human. And it can be especially hard getting called out when we make a mistake, doubly so when it’s by someone we care about. But if we do hurt someone we’re close to, it’s good for them to tell us so we can do better.
Except sometimes the criticism isn’t valid. » Read more
It’s a sad fact of life that we fall apart in front of those we feel safest with.
We keep it together in front of the boss, but when we get home from the office, we break into tears and snap at our love(s) about dinner not being ready. Or it’s their day to fall apart, » Read more
“I should never have used that word,” I said. “The L word. I thought nothing of it, but they totally got the wrong idea.”
“Oh, but it’s YOU!” she said.
“I know,” I agreed.
“Anyone who knows you, well… they know you say that to everybody. There’s a different way that you act when you’re in love with someone. » Read more
It’s been great to touch base lately with some of my other partnered poly friends. My best friend Fluffy, while definitely polyamorous and possessing a very similar bent towards relationship anarchy as my own, has a hard time finding partners and hasn’t been in a relationship for a few years now. The spirit is willing, » Read more
It’s a funny thing… over the years, I have acted as a sounding board and supportive listener for a very large number of people. And I’ll admit it hasn’t always been easy – sometimes the timing is very inconvenient, sometimes you have empathy overload and feel an incredible amount of their pain, and sometimes you’re put in awkward spots where people have confided in you about each other, » Read more
Yesterday, I wrote about the fact that both my husband and I are game changers, that we have a tendency to form passionate relationships that are disruptive to existing partnerships, and how terrifying it is to live in the shadow of this.
I forgot something really important though in my consideration of all this. » Read more
“My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.”
The other night my husband told me that one thing that set me apart from other people when we first met was that I simply didn’t do bullshit. I was nuanced, » Read more
“But aren’t you worried about diseases?”
It’s a very frequent question asked of poly people – and a very natural one. I know it’s the first one I asked when polyamory was presented to me as a relationship option.
Your standard-issue Poly Honor Student answer goes a little something like this: “Of course we are, » Read more
It seems like I spend 90% of my life struggling with one nuance or another.
The latest has been trying to differentiate between what constitutes “making excuses” vs. “offering an explanation.”
I set this question out to some of my friends. They overwhelmingly stressed that timing was a key factor (people need a while to cool down and get out of the hotly negative feeling place), » Read more
My old therapist used to say, “You’re 100% responsible… for your 50%.”
I saw her primarily to get through my divorce. It was a brutal time for me, coping with the promise that I’d broken to myself, that I’d always be with Seth, through everything. The timing of the separation was also unfortunate, » Read more