
The Complaining Gap
People have different thresholds for complaining, and if yours is very high, you must be careful not to assume that other people are the same way, particularly people that you care deeply about.
People have different thresholds for complaining, and if yours is very high, you must be careful not to assume that other people are the same way, particularly people that you care deeply about.
While part of me lashes out and says, “Well, why can’t we talk more about things that matter?” kindly, authentically, without ego — I also recognize that this level of vulnerability could be exhausting and terrifying for a lot of people.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen variations on this same theme: Mean comment. Backlash. “You can’t say anything these days.”
It’s something folks who are trying to defend hurtful “jokes” throw out as a quick defense. “You took that the wrong way. Don’t be so sensitive. Can’t you take a joke?”
Every time something exciting happens, I have a familiar urge, one that’s plagued me my entire life. I immediately want to tell someone else.
“I do know people who think that you owe everyone open, honest communication no matter who they are.”
“See,” my friend says, “to me, that seems like an awful lot of work.”
It’s hard to solve complex problems if you’re upset. But people think you’re not taking something seriously if you’re not upset. Mindfulness made me seem shady in times of conflict.
“I’m sorry for wasting your time,” she says, without saying it. “I know that I’m not worth listening to, so I’m going to say this as quickly as possible. Because it’s eating me up inside. But don’t hate me. Please, I can’t bear it if you hate me.”
At this point, we’ve spent a good hour or two chatting about it. There’s a big interpersonal conflict between two friends of ours. And we’re
Poly.Land is a daily posting site for polyamory, ambiamory, relationship advice, psychology, writing, and more.
Poly.Land is produced by Braided Studios, LLC.
This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful.
Strictly Necessary Cookie should be enabled at all times so that we can save your preferences for cookie settings.
If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. This means that every time you visit this website you will need to enable or disable cookies again.
This website uses Google Analytics to collect anonymous information such as the number of visitors to the site, and the most popular pages.
Keeping this cookie enabled helps us to improve our website.
Please enable Strictly Necessary Cookies first so that we can save your preferences!