Kindness Misers: “I’m Always Doing Everything for Everyone Else”

3 stacks of silver coins, of varying heights
Image by KMo Foto / CC BY

“I’m always doing everything for everyone else,” she says. “And where does it get me?”

I’m taken aback. I’m not sure where this is coming from. She’s got good qualities, but she’s far from anybody’s whipping boy. If anything, she’s more selfish than most.

“To hell with what they think,” she says,  » Read more

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9 Steps for Having an Accountability Talk with a Partner When Things Go Wrong

It's a yellow poster board paper. In the center in large letters is the word "Accountability." It also says (moving from top left and moving clockwise): "stay on course," "walk the walk," "reflect and grow," "consequences," "This dog has teeth!" "be real - not fake," "stand and deliver," and "keep your commitments"
Image by United Workers / CC BY

In “Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers,” I covered a few things you can do before you open up your relationship that’ll make it go a little more smoothly.

I’ve also previously written about best practices for negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements as well as how to manage things if you find that you need to renegotiate your relationship agreement (a very common scenario once the agreement has been “road tested”).   » Read more

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PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?

A pie chart. Above the pie chart, it reads "Who is responsible?" The two choices are "Them" and "us." "Them" takes up the vast majority of the pie chart. "Us" is only a small sliver.
Image by Sean MacEntee / CC BY

PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?

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When Someone “Makes” Us Feel Something

It’s very common to hear people say that someone “made” them feel something.

“She made me feel bad.”

“You make me so unhappy.”

“He makes me so frustrated.”  » Read more

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Martin Under the Bridge: Polyamory, Check-Ins, and Concern Trolling

A weasel sitting on a stick with a wire wrapped around it, at the Bering Land Bridge.
Image by Bering Land Bridge National Preserve / CC BY

Check-Ins and the Threat of Concern Trolling

“So you check in with your partners about stuff before you do it?”

“Sure do,” I say. “My current agreement doesn’t require me to, but I think it’s not a bad practice to give people a heads up. Y’know, considerate.”

“Okay. So let’s say you want to date someone.  » Read more

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