As it happens, I was bopping around the Internet the other day, not exactly minding my own business but instead throwing open every door I came across and rifling through for treasures, a bit like a video game protagonist looking for stray gold coins in NPC closets. You know, what people used to call “surfing the web.” » Read more
Why It’s Hard to Get Advice When You’re Looking for Validation
After a protracted period of soul searching and agonizing, I decided to share my feelings with him. I thought about how to phrase it. And then I went for it.
And in response he offered, “For one, you feel like that with me, too, and still isn’t true there. For two, not much I could help with except to say that most people like that you’re a bit pushy with your feelings. » Read more
Is There a Difference Between Natural and Affected Extroversion?
As I wrote in a recent post, I recently moved cross country and have discovered that in spite of my assumption that I’d rush out and get socially connected ASAP that I am very introverted in my new home.
Happily introverted.
It’s a sharp 180 from my normal way of relating. » Read more
Why It Can Be Difficult to Trust People, Even When They Believe What They Say
The more you know about bias and how deeply it’s entrenched in our brains, the more it becomes truly difficult to trust other people. How they will treat us. If what they say to us is true…
Unfortunately, we’re all capable of saying untrue things, regardless of any moral commitment to truthfulness. Contrary to what a lot of people think, » Read more
Good Conversation and Good Communication Are Different Things
“I don’t know that we communicate well,” I say to him.
“This is news to me,” he replies.
“Really?”
“Really,” he says. “I love talking to you.”
“I do, too,” I say. “We have good conversations.”
“But you just…”
I sigh. “Just because we have good conversations doesn’t mean that we communicate well.” » Read more
Even If the Words “I Love You” Are Magic, It’s Unclear Which Spell Is Being Cast
I can remember being a little girl and dreaming about what it would be like to have romantic relationships.
I was that kind of little girl. I longed to have someone with me at all times, who was deeply interested in me, what I had to say, what was going on in my life and in my heart (and I, » Read more
When Gifts Have Strings Attached, They Go in Both Directions
“So,” he said to me, “What do you think?”
“About what?” I replied.
He frowned. “About the book I lent you.”
“Lent” was a curious way of putting it. In actuality, he had insisted the last time we spoke that I needed to read the Wheel of Time series, » Read more
How to Follow Your Gut Ethically
Every so often, an unpleasant cycle repeats. Someone new hits my local kink and/or poly circles, someone that I’ll meet and instantly have a bad feeling about.
Exactly why I’ll get that hinky feeling will change each time. Maybe this new person is a little too insistent and seems prone to pushing past people’s non-sexual boundaries. » Read more
When You’re Good at Providing Reassurance, Some People Don’t Even Know You’re Doing It
“I really worry about you,” she said. “You’re so insecure. So in need of reassurance. So weak.”
I blinked my eyes twice in slow motion, feeling a wave of shock wash over me. True, I’ve always been a sensitive person. This wasn’t the first time in my life someone had said something like this to me. » Read more
This Yankee Needs to Find Her Yeehaw… and Soon
We’re stopped at a Subway in Kentucky. On our way to Georgia, to a large conference called Frolicon, due to land later that evening.
My husband, who grew up in rural Michigan, is suddenly talking like a cowboy. “Yes, ma’am, no ma’am, thank you kindly.” It’s appropriate given the context but jarring. He code switches like it’s no big deal. » Read more