In “Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers,” I covered a few things you can do before you open up your relationship that’ll make it go a little more smoothly.
I’ve also previously written about best practices for negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements as well as how to manage things if you find that you need to renegotiate your relationship agreement (a very common scenario once the agreement has been “road tested”). » Read more
PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?
When Someone “Makes” Us Feel Something
It’s very common to hear people say that someone “made” them feel something.
“She made me feel bad.”
“You make me so unhappy.”
“He makes me so frustrated.” » Read more
Check-Ins and the Threat of Concern Trolling
“So you check in with your partners about stuff before you do it?”
“Sure do,” I say. “My current agreement doesn’t require me to, but I think it’s not a bad practice to give people a heads up. Y’know, considerate.”
“Okay. So let’s say you want to date someone. » Read more
PQ 7.7 — What do I do to make sure it’s safe for my partners to communicate with me, and to let them know it’s safe?
The issue at the heart of today’s question is near and dear to my heart. As I wrote in PQ 4.5, » Read more
PQ 7.6 — How well do I listen to my partners?
“You’re not listening to me!”
I can’t count the number of times I’ve had this said to me. Nor how many times I’ve said this to someone else.
And sometimes we don’t listen to people. » Read more
PQ 7.5 — What do I do to check in with my partners?
We’re Bad at Reading People’s Emotions
“What’s wrong?” Skyspook asks me.
I frown at his question, confused. “What?” I’m sitting on the couch, reading articles about the origin of various slang words. I’m not unhappy. » Read more
PQ 7.4 — Do I perceive criticism in my partner’s statements even if they aren’t directly critical?
There’s always something to work on in a relationship. Because it doesn’t matter how perfectly the blinding light of New Relationship Energy washes over the creases and cracks like a giant flashbulb.
Eventually, » Read more
When many folks think of assertiveness, they think of sender skills. An assertive person is one who communicates their thoughts and feelings confidently. Openly.
And while this is true, it’s not the entire picture. In practice, the most difficult part of assertive communication is the receiver half.
Because an assertive communicator is not only open to speaking their own truths — » Read more
PQ 7.3 — If I hear a hidden meaning in a statement or a question, do I ask for clarification before acting on my assumptions?
This is the 49th PQ installment. Up until now, the chapter-end More than Two questions have been running up to this issue and brushing by it in a dark, » Read more
PQ 7.2 — What can I do to be more direct in my communication?
The process of moving from an indirect style to a direct style of expressing yourself can feel scary and at times completely overwhelming. But it’s important work. While being indirect can feel more comfortable (especially if we’re used to it), » Read more