When I was a child, I was told over and over again by my mother that honesty was very important. That truth was moral and lies were immoral.
That was what she said.
And then she showed me something different: That telling the truth is important unless that truth is embarrassing or inconvenient to her. » Read more
In a recent essay, I wrote about 10 things that I do that help me write openly about my life without going crazy in the process. After that article came out, I had several readers write back in response. One point in particular seemed to resonate with many folks, tip #6, in which I discuss how to deal with people who are trying to stir up conflict, » Read more
This past weekend, I went to a play party for the first time in a while. I was mostly there in a working capacity for the organizers, acting as the presenter liaison for the night.
As it turned out, the presenters were incredibly low maintenance and retired fairly early. So I unexpectedly ended up with a lot of time on my hands. » Read more
I’m learning a lot about myself from him. From looking at who I am through his eyes.
He has that kind of hypervigilance you only get after years of dating women who set traps. Who modify their behavior ever so slightly as a test, to see if you notice.
Like those silent bargains I’d make with God as a kid: “If you really exist, » Read more
A little while ago, I published a piece called “My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication.” In that essay, I talk about the reasons why I have such a distaste for playing games with people when it comes to communication. I’m not a big fan of passive-aggression, guessing games in which one person is expected to mind-read the other’s thoughts, » Read more
It’s been decades, but I still vividly remember my old elementary school. It was a brick building. Standing outside at recess, I’d often stare at those walls, fascinated by the flaws in the blocks, the cracks and places where they were uneven. I was generally a talkative kid and often very social but occasionally I’d get overwhelmed. » Read more
“I wish you’d just own up to what’s really going on here,” he says.
“You don’t really think it’s a bad idea. Admit it,” he says. “You’re just jealous.”
I don’t know what to say. I settle on, “That’s not what this is about.”
Because it’s true I’ve had my insecurities in the past regarding him but not to an unusual magnitude. » Read more
I recently wrote a piece called “What Is Romance? What Makes Hooking Up and Hanging Out Different Than a Relationship?” In that article, I reflect on a conversation I had with a potential new romantic partner about labels and what I’m looking for.
I was thrown a bit off guard by the interaction, » Read more
If Labels Are for Organization, Then I Guess I’m a Bit of a Mess
“So what are you looking for? Something casual? Dating? A relationship? Something romantic?” she asks me.
And it takes me a long time to formulate an answer to the question. Not because I’m not interested. And not because I don’t care about her. » Read more
“Are you going to be okay if you see me playing with someone else?” he asks me.
“Of course,” I say. I reiterate to him that I spent several years on the scene before taking a break from public play parties. That I’ve seen partners play with others in the past. » Read more