It’s hard to find the right balance when you need to tell someone there’s an issue, but you don’t need help. But this time at least I managed.
Sometimes the bigger griefs, the universal ones, are too much to bear. I find I go numb when confronted with them. But the little griefs? The longing for missing conversations? Well, that’s able to slip right in past my defenses.
I used to be a person who responded to everyone who contacted me. Day or night. Regardless of who they were, if I even liked them, how much it inconvenienced me.
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean it. I wish I could take it back.”
I got excited by what you said. I started typing. And continued typing. Twelve messages later, I’m staring at the screen full of regret.
Good communication alone isn’t what makes a happy relationship. After a certain point, there are other factors that come into play.
Over-explaining is most commonly a symptom of anxiety and can also indicate low self-esteem. Since I have vast experience with both of those, I wanted to dive in further.
“I’ll admit it,” he says, “I’ve done a lot of things in my life just for the story.”
Historically, I’ve tried being direct, explaining the situation, and asking for advice on what to do with that answer from the folks who say “if you want.” But inevitably, that approach doesn’t work. They’ll usually give me a shrug at most. Change the subject.
One of the most refreshing realizations I ever had: What people say to you is often more about THEM than you. Like a lot of the big profound truths, I didn’t believe this the first time I ever heard this idea. Back then I really did take critics to heart. And I let their criticism not only paralyze me but to teach me how to talk to myself.
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