A little while ago, I published a piece called “My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication.” In that essay, I talk about the reasons why I have such a distaste for playing games with people when it comes to communication. I’m not a big fan of passive-aggression, guessing games in which one person is expected to mind-read the other’s thoughts, » Read more
My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication
It’s been decades, but I still vividly remember my old elementary school. It was a brick building. Standing outside at recess, I’d often stare at those walls, fascinated by the flaws in the blocks, the cracks and places where they were uneven. I was generally a talkative kid and often very social but occasionally I’d get overwhelmed. » Read more
The Problem with “You’re Just Jealous” as a Conversation Ender
“I wish you’d just own up to what’s really going on here,” he says.
“What?”
“You don’t really think it’s a bad idea. Admit it,” he says. “You’re just jealous.”
I don’t know what to say. I settle on, “That’s not what this is about.”
Because it’s true I’ve had my insecurities in the past regarding him but not to an unusual magnitude. » Read more
Labels, Continued: The Questions We’re Really Asking
I recently wrote a piece called “What Is Romance? What Makes Hooking Up and Hanging Out Different Than a Relationship?” In that article, I reflect on a conversation I had with a potential new romantic partner about labels and what I’m looking for.
I was thrown a bit off guard by the interaction, » Read more
What Is Romance? What Makes Hooking Up and Hanging Out Different Than a Relationship?
If Labels Are for Organization, Then I Guess I’m a Bit of a Mess
“So what are you looking for? Something casual? Dating? A relationship? Something romantic?” she asks me.
And it takes me a long time to formulate an answer to the question. Not because I’m not interested. And not because I don’t care about her. » Read more
The Padded Kink Resume: A Hypeman, a Frank Discloser, and a Failure to Communicate
“Are you going to be okay if you see me playing with someone else?” he asks me.
“Of course,” I say. I reiterate to him that I spent several years on the scene before taking a break from public play parties. That I’ve seen partners play with others in the past. » Read more
PQ 13.5 — Are there specific things I can ask my partners to do for me to help me feel loved and cared for?
PQ 13.5 — Are there specific things I can ask my partners to do for me to help me feel loved and cared for?
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I’m sitting and having coffee with a friend of mine I haven’t seen in a while. She looks great. Lots of things are going right for her at the moment. » Read more
When You’re Tired of Being the Only Person Who Knows There’s a Problem in Your Relationship
“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this,” he says.
“I really want to work on fixing the problem,” I say.
“What problem?” he says. “You’re the only one who thinks it’s a problem.”
And as I stand there, aching from what he’s just said, » Read more
How to Fail at Communication Before You Say a Single Word
Hi Page,
I love the blog! Been reading it for a while. I’ve been learning more about polyamory the last few years, and I’ve realised that I’m probably polyamorous. Trouble is I’m in a relationship with a woman who is very monogamous. I would love to be able to explore all the love I feel, » Read more
They Want to Tell Me in Person, But I’d Rather Get Bad News Over Text
“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
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I look at my phone when we pull into port. » Read more