The “Should Have Stayed a Play Partner” Effect

a tube of toothpaste with the cap off that has had most of the toothpaste squeezed out of it
Image by Kristopher Avila / CC BY

Have you ever met someone who is fantastic at first? There’s something fun and shiny about them.

Maybe they’re things that you’re missing in the rest of your life. That you don’t know anybody else who does well. Or can engage with you on that particular level.

Maybe these aspects are so shiny that you are quick to forgive many things that should have given you cause for concern.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Kinksters Are Everywhere

an empty boardroom
Image by reynermedia / CC BY

It’s a funny thing, being a kinkster. Because the kink scene brings people together who might otherwise never meet. I know people from every walk of life. Baristas who are just graduating from college and still living with their parents. Middle aged doctors, lawyers, executives. Retired small business owners. Everyone in between.

And I’ve reliably found that it’s how many friends I have —  » Read more

Continue Reading

What’s the Difference Between Masochism and Self-Harm?

a question mark
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Hi Page,

I’ve been exploring my more kinky side and I would definitely say I’m a masochist. However, I’ve recently been wondering if I’ve been seeking this out as a new form of self-harm. I used to self-harm in the past and have stopped for a few years, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve just placed the responsibility on someone else.   » Read more

Continue Reading

“I’m in Love With My Domme, But She Doesn’t Love Me Back. What Should I Do?”

a photo of pointy high heeled black lace up shoes worn on a person's feet
Image by Sabine Mondestin / CC BY

Hi Page,

I’ve been struggling with something for a while now and need advice and support from someone who might understand.

Here’s the situation: I’m married to a vanilla guy I love a lot. He knows I’m a sub and that I have a Domme. I’ve been with my Domme for several years.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Could Procrastination Sometimes Be a Form of Masochism?

a board of multicolored post-it notes that all say "do it!" in marker
Image by Vic / CC BY

It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.

You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person.  » Read more

Continue Reading

“I Was Slapped in the Face During Sex Without My Consent. Was I Raped?”

an assortment of dark question marks on a slightly dark background. three of the question marks are glowing orange
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Bit of a personal one, but here goes.

I was in a relationship with a guy who was kinky and poly. I was definitely curious to the kink side of things. I’d also had some abuse in my background. My “friend” and I talked about all of this. I don’t know if me being curious and interested amounts to consent,  » Read more

Continue Reading