Love Bombing & Supernormal Stimulus, Redux: Finding the Button Is Only Half of It

It's a stencil painted onto concrete. Within the stenciled image are two bunnies that have a bomb between them with a heart over it
Image by karlnorling / CC BY

I wanted to write to you about your article “The Supernormal Stimulus.” In it, you talk about an approach to optimizing in relationships where you figure out what matters to your partner the most and then you do it. In it, you bring up ways that zoologists were able to trick birds: Geese who think humans are their mothers,  » Read more

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Ask Page: I Have My Partner’s Blessing, But I Still Feel Like I’m Cheating. Is This Normal?

a picture of a Storm Trooper standing with his head titled and his hands together with a background of several hearts floating behind his head
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

Hi Page,

I’ve been polyamorous for about 6 months — well poly in theory anyway. I have mostly been looking until recently. My wife has had more success finding partners, and I’ve mostly just been hanging, going to meetups. But I finally started dating someone, and she’s great. For this letter,  » Read more

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“I Was Slapped in the Face During Sex Without My Consent. Was I Raped?”

an assortment of dark question marks on a slightly dark background. three of the question marks are glowing orange
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Bit of a personal one, but here goes.

I was in a relationship with a guy who was kinky and poly. I was definitely curious to the kink side of things. I’d also had some abuse in my background. My “friend” and I talked about all of this. I don’t know if me being curious and interested amounts to consent,  » Read more

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4 Clear Signs It’s Time to End Your Relationship

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Hi Page, how do you know it’s time to end a relationship? I know relationships take work, but sometimes I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. 


Great question! This was a tricky distinction for me to master. For the longest time, I was really reluctant to break up with people (even when it made sense to) because I’d internalized the following scripts surrounding breakups:

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