“Senpai, Stop and Notice Yourself”
Maybe on down days, I should start using that as a reframe: “Senpai, stop and notice yourself!”
Maybe on down days, I should start using that as a reframe: “Senpai, stop and notice yourself!”
“I hate how much time I wasted,” she says. “I spent all those years not knowing any better.”
I’ve learned that it’s much worse to be committed to someone who isn’t good for you than it is to be alone.
I learned early on to hide my notebooks. My mom would find them anyway and destroy them. One time, she even pitched one into the fireplace. I got called “devil spawn” if I wrote with profanity or anything that was considered out there in my strict religious home (spoiler: a lot was considered “out there” in my strict religious home).
I’ve learned that I count. I’m a person too. I should be on that list.
I’m so proud of myself today. Because I’m doing a good job living without you. Even though at first I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t see a way that I could make it without you.
They don’t realize I have these stunning moments where life is actually okay for two minutes, and I find myself crying because I’m so grateful that I have food to eat and a place to sleep.
It’s hard to find the right balance when you need to tell someone there’s an issue, but you don’t need help. But this time at least I managed.
Maybe neither of us wanted to do this tonight (or ever). But we’re coming in for the softest landing we’ve ever had. And I’m so proud of us.
Maybe it’s not much. But it gave me some hope. Maybe the green beans will bounce back one day. And maybe a lot of other things that I’ve written off.
I said no the first dozen times that it was suggested to me. I was so wrong.
Minerva the Liar by Page Turner is officially out. The Psychic State books are sci-fi/mysteries with strong female leads that feature a large ensemble cast of polyamorous characters.
Literally, act of war in Latin, casus belli is the act of picking a fight over basically nothing. It’s when someone is using whatever justification they can to start a fight — and especially when they use it as an excuse to dump you or fall out with you socially.
There are days when I just want someone to tell me everything’s going to be okay. And to be able to believe it.
Can’t we go back to the moment before we started fighting? It wasn’t very long ago now.
When I was a little girl, I thought it was fun to sleep upside down.
When I’m with you, love doesn’t feel finite at all. It feels larger than I can contemplate.
“Alright, alright,” you say. “I shouldn’t be doing this, but I’m a pushover when it comes to you.”
“Hello beautiful,” you wrote to me.
We’ve reached a point where there’s nothing left to say, and most of us are completely done, we barely have the energy to speak to our friends, let alone folks who consider us enemies…. except… except sometimes there’s a chance. There’s that occasional person who says, “Oh, I didn’t think of that before.” Improbably. However improbably.
“Hey, I need you,” I say.
“What’s going on?” you reply.
This is how you survive a breakup without losing your mind. This and a million other ways, each one unique to the people involved.
“You know,” my mother says, “you don’t have to worry about me getting a boyfriend. Nothing like that.” She shakes her head. “Your father was it for me.”
I like to say that NRE is like seeing a person bathed in moonlight.
When the NRE fades, it’s like morning comes.
You can make yourself go ballistic if you read meaning into every little action.
Sometimes the bigger griefs, the universal ones, are too much to bear. I find I go numb when confronted with them. But the little griefs? The longing for missing conversations? Well, that’s able to slip right in past my defenses.
I typically date all sensitive people. Sometimes this is very good; other times it’s quite difficult.
I often tell people simply, point blank, that I’m a planner. And it’s true, but it’s not that simple.
I can be awfully patient when someone else has issues — so long as they own them, so long as they’re actively working on them, so long as they communicate and it’s clear that they respect me and care that their issues are affecting me.
You sent me a study the other day about how natural disasters bring couples closer together. It was certainly the case for us, when we weathered the Texas freeze and infrastructure collapse of February 2021.
I always forget about projection. It’s such a sneaky interpersonal dynamic. And if you don’t recognize it for what it is, you can get thrown way off track. End up arguing for hours about things that one person doesn’t even feel but the other person is convinced that they must.
“It’s been a day,” I say finally.
“Yeah,” you reply.
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