Meta-Emotions & What to Do About Difficult Ones
May 29, 2021
Meta-emotions are how you feel and think about feelings — your own and others.’
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I Spend A Lot of Time Worrying About Losing Lovers Out of the Blue… But That Doesn’t Happen to Me
May 28, 2021
I’ve had to come to terms with the reality that I have been taking the wrong advice in one arena.
It’s Been Uncomfortable Figuring Out the Ways I Contribute to My Own Unhappiness
May 27, 2021
It’s been uncomfortable figuring out the ways I contribute to my own unhappiness… but it’s essential.
The Difference Between Actively & Passively Closing a Relationship
May 26, 2021
One major thing I’ve learned is that there’s a huge difference between actively and passively closing a relationship. Of the two, active closings typically cause a lot more collateral damage.
Letting Myself Do Something Just Because I Enjoy It Feels Like Rebellion
May 25, 2021
It feels truly indulgent to keep doing a hobby that I have zero natural talent for simply because I enjoy it. Weird maybe, but I always felt this pressure to be good at things — and to spend my time doing the things I was good at. Not farting around at something where I’m the world’s slowest learner.
I Can’t Believe I’m Saying This, But Good Relationships Can Have Problems
May 24, 2021
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but good relationships can have problems.
“Well, duh, Page,” some of you might be saying. “Why are you devoting an article to this? Isn’t this common sense?”
You would think, I suppose. But no.
Confession: I’m Glad I Didn’t Know What Changing Would Cost Me
May 23, 2021
I’m glad I didn’t know how much changing my life would cost me. This way I learned a lesson that would have terrified me if I’d had too much warning.
People Who Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt Are Happier Than Those Who Default to Suspecting Others
May 22, 2021
Is it actually a good strategy to give other people the benefit of the doubt if you want a happy life?
Good People Put Back Their Shopping Carts. The Best People Return Them in the Rain.
May 21, 2021
My favorite people don’t just do the right thing when no one’s forcing them to; they also do it when it’s hard. It’s often something they take for granted about themselves, but I think it’s amazing.
Yes, I Really DID Like Going One or Two Places
May 20, 2021
I love going one or two places again. It feels better than the new normal everyone worried me about. It feels familiar and comfortable, like slipping into old clothes that have gotten used to my body and fit me perfectly.
I Don’t Know that My Past Self Would Have Listened to Me
May 19, 2021
It’s something I try to keep in mind when a friend asks me for advice and then ignores it. I ignored an awful lot of good advice, too — and would have probably ignored my future self once upon a time.
Being Able to Be Goofy With Someone Is a Form of Intimacy
May 18, 2021
Being able to be goofy with someone is a form of intimacy. Like every other form of intimacy, it’s not for everyone. But it’s definitely for me.
The Toughest Competition Is Against My Own Imagination
May 17, 2021
My imagination is really tough competition. Reality just can’t keep up.
Study Says Any Mental Health Effects From Social Media & Device Use Don’t Seem to Be Getting Any Worse
May 16, 2021
Despite the heightened level of public concern over both cell phone use and social media dominance, the research picture of their mental health effects is rather complicated.
Huh. Men With Depression & Anxiety Use Dating Apps More But Reach Out to Matches Less
May 15, 2021
A recent study found that men with depression and anxiety use dating apps more but reach out to matches less.
When Things Get a Bit Better, But You Start to Worry About Smaller Things Instead of Not Worrying At All
May 14, 2021
Given the choice, I would prefer not to worry anymore. I would prefer if that’s what happens once the big picture is (mostly) safe. But maybe that’s not how it works — and the best we can do is be fortunate enough to worry about smaller things.
Maybe I Don’t Want to Be Brave Anymore
May 13, 2021
“I’ll admit I’ve definitely had days where I’ve thought to myself that maybe I don’t want to be brave anymore. Maybe I want someone to take care of me for a bit. Take a season off. Be a sweetly spoiled baby for a change.”
Why “No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent” Is Both True & False
May 12, 2021
If it’s something you’re still struggling with, I just want you to know that it’s hard. Really damn hard.
“I Like Open Relationships, Just Not Sure If I Can Have a Healthy One with YOU.”
May 11, 2021
“I’m not sure how to tell him about this,” she says, “What do I say? I like open relationships, just not sure if I can have a healthy one with you?”
Once You’ve Had Problems, It’s Far Easier to Backslide
May 10, 2021
Once you’ve had problems, it’s far easier to backslide. It’s something I’ll likely always be dealing with. Because of my past, I can’t get away with as much.
What Are Parasocial Relationships?
May 9, 2021
Parasocial relationships are entirely one-sided relationships — ones in which one party is interested and invests significant time and energy in someone and that other party is completely unaware of their existence.
Why Ghosting Hurts So Much
May 8, 2021
This tendency to ruminate on and better remember tasks that are unfinished is known as Zeiganik effect. And it can unfortunately make ghosting very painful and difficult to move past.
What Is Alterous Attraction? What Are Squishes and Meshes?
May 7, 2021
In today’s Advice Friend, a reader asks about attraction that’s neither platonic or romantic — and instead feels somewhere in between.
I’m Not Excited About Exclusive Anything, Really
May 6, 2021
I’m not being lured in by exclusive as a marketing label. Not about anything, really. Exclusive and good are not the same.
The Complaining Gap
May 5, 2021
People have different thresholds for complaining, and if yours is very high, you must be careful not to assume that other people are the same way, particularly people that you care deeply about.
I Was the Free Spirit in a Very Uptight Family
May 4, 2021
I’ve spent most of my adulthood surrounded by people freer than me. But compared to my family of origin, I’m liberated beyond compare.
It’s a Bad Sign When One Person Pressures the Other to Open a Relationship
May 3, 2021
I know tons of people who have opened up from a closed relationship and thrived. But usually they’re both on board with the decision. It’s a bad sign when one person pressures the other person to open up. Particularly after their partner says no once, twice, or a thousand times when asked.
If You Feel Like Changing Your Answer, You Probably Should
May 2, 2021
Due to the first instinct fallacy, we are far too reluctant to modify our initial impression — or change our first answer — than we should be.
“You Can’t Make Me Wear That”: Psychological Reactance Plays a Role in Anti-Mask Attitudes
May 1, 2021
In an earlier installment of this series, I talked about a psychological phenomenon called reactance: Simply stated, reactance refers to people’s tendency to rebel or
The Hardest Part Isn’t the Struggle. It’s How Upset People Get That They Can’t Magically Fix It.
April 30, 2021
Not only was I trying to keep myself from falling completely apart, I was doing my best to not offend the people in my life, who took it very personally that I was still struggling with difficult emotions.
I Despise Small Talk, But I Understand Why It Exists.
April 29, 2021
While part of me lashes out and says, “Well, why can’t we talk more about things that matter?” kindly, authentically, without ego — I also recognize that this level of vulnerability could be exhausting and terrifying for a lot of people.
When Your Stress Response Is to Do Even More
April 28, 2021
“Part of me wonders if I’ll always be doing this — overloading myself until I can’t cope and then paring back and getting stressed again and loading myself back up.”
