I’ve Always Had the Least Patience for My Own Suffering
March 27, 2022
My biggest problem isn’t that other people aren’t judging my for my timeline — I am.
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I Have This Friend Who Keeps Getting Stinkfished
March 26, 2022
I have a friend who keeps getting stinkfished by dates.
That Feeling When You Realize You Don’t Matter As Much to Them as They Do to You
March 25, 2022
You say you care. You do. Say I’m the center of your universe. But your actions paint a different picture.
I Have an “I Might Get My Heart Broken, But This Is Worth the Risk” Mode
March 24, 2022
I have this other mode. One that goes, “I might get my heart broken, but this is worth the risk.” It doesn’t happen very often at all. Has only happened a couple of times in my life. But when that happens, I get really calm.
It Can Be Hard to Feel Sexy When Your Body Betrays You
March 23, 2022
I’m tired of this entire pattern. I think it’s time to admit to myself how I feel. Because shame lives in the shadows. And I don’t want to be stuck there anymore.
Once You’ve Been With Someone Who Understands You, There’s No Going Back
March 22, 2022
Now that I know it’s possible for someone else to understand me, there’s no unknowing that. There’s no going back.
Manipulating People Close to You Is Like Cheating at Wordle
March 21, 2022
Manipulating someone I care about is as ridiculous as cheating at Wordle. Controlling the outcome ruins the whole thing. The whole point is that this is someone I can trust.
That Sense of Relief When You Don’t Have Plans
March 20, 2022
“You know, it’s funny,” I say to my friend. “Other people have been encouraging me to get out and do more, all fun things, but I haven’t wanted to. And they said this meant I was depressed, but I have to say… now that I have a few things off my plate, I feel so much relief. So much relief.”
Being Left Out and Simply Being Different Can Feel So Similar
March 19, 2022
Being left out and simply being different can feel so similar. Your emotions can be sloppy about recognizing the difference between others excluding you and isolating yourself.
I Think the Unnecessary Gratitude Will Always Be There
March 18, 2022
There was a meme that got really popular a while back that advised people who were dating folks who had been abused in the past. They’ll be grateful for little things, the meme said. And they’ll try to thank you for that. You need to discourage that behavior, the meme advised.
It’s Hard to Get Over Things When Time Hasn’t Been Moving
March 17, 2022
Just because it’s taking me a while to get over this stuff, it doesn’t mean it’ll never happen. Time got really darn weird. And there’s no deadline on healing.
It Must Truly Be Painful to Only Appreciate Value in Hindsight
March 16, 2022
It has to be truly painful only to appreciate value in hindsight. To only want the things you’ve already lost.
I Keep a Folder Full of Happy-Making Things
March 15, 2022
One of the best things I ever did was create a folder full of stuff that’s aimed to make me happy on the dark days.
With Great Hinges, Comes Great Responsibility
March 14, 2022
The fantasy of being a hinge — i.e., a person in two or more relationships with partners who are not involved with one another — is quite different than the reality.
Being Encouraged to Speak My Truth Is Such a Deep Form of Love
March 13, 2022
People often assume that because I write every day in public for an audience that speaking my mind is really natural to me. That it’s something I’ve always done easily. And that I was supported for it when I was younger. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I’m Learning that the People Who Really Care Will Understand
March 12, 2022
I’m burned out beyond compare. And I’ve reached a point where I have to retool my priorities. To take a second and think. About what matters to me, what doesn’t. What is necessary and what just feels like it’s necessary.
Prioritizing People Who Don’t Care About You Can Doom Your Relationships
March 11, 2022
Prioritizing people who don’t care about you can doom your relationships.
When You’re Sad & Worry You’re Being Depressing, Which Makes You More Down & Oh No…
March 10, 2022
I’m bad at telling the people in my life that I’m sad when I am. It’s something I’ve been working on. It’s hard for me.
I’d Rather Be an Abstract Concept Than a Person Today
March 9, 2022
I don’t want to be an actual person today. I’d rather be an abstract concept.
I Haven’t Really Dated Many People Where I Was Their Type
March 8, 2022
I have a confession I’d like to make: I’ve dated a lot of people who were just barely attracted to me. Most of them actually.
When I’m Hesitant to Date Someone, I Should Listen to That Feeling
March 6, 2022
I love you. I’m pretty sure I always will. And I’m going to be here to support you. But I need to keep a bit of distance so I don’t get wrapped up in your chaos with them.
“Is Selecting Partners for Polyamory the Same as for Monogamy?”
March 5, 2022
In today’s Advice Friend column, a reader asks, “Is selecting partners to be monogamous the same process as choosing them when you know you’re going to be polyamorous? If it’s different, how so?”
If You Need a Mean Partner, I’m Not For You
March 4, 2022
I can set firm boundaries when I need to, but if I’m expected to scream to get my point across, then that’s a relationship I want nothing to do with.
You Can Waste Your Whole Life Trying to Impress People Who Don’t Want to Stick Around
March 3, 2022
Maybe it sounds kind of cutthroat, but you can waste your whole life trying to impress people who don’t want to stick around. And I’m done with it.
Those Rules That You Make… and then Break
March 2, 2022
I see it a lot in my line of work: Someone has a string of disappointing dating experiences and searches for a commonality to all of them. And once they do, they make a rule about it.
I’m Amazed at My Uncanny Ability to Accidentally Have Adventures
March 1, 2022
I thought I’d settle down young. Stick to my little country life. My boring job. Grow old in one place. I was happy to settle down after a rough adolescence. I was looking forward to nothing happening for a while. Because I’m easily amused. I can make my own fun.
It’s Okay for People to Have Other Priorities, But You Don’t Want to Feel Like the Lowest One
February 28, 2022
“The trouble is that I’m always the lowest priority. Consistently. In every situation.”
There Are People Willing to Clear-Cut the Entire Forest If It Means They Can Be the Tallest Tree
February 27, 2022
Some people tear down the people around them so that they can look impressive in comparison. They’re willing to clear-cut the forest if it means they can be the tallest tree.
Why Soup Is Magical Alchemy & Gives Me Hope
February 26, 2022
There’s something gratifying about taking the unwanted and making it into something wonderful. It makes me think there’s hope for me too.
“Senpai, Stop and Notice Yourself”
February 25, 2022
Maybe on down days, I should start using that as a reframe: “Senpai, stop and notice yourself!”
You Didn’t Waste Your Time. You Overpaid for a Lesson.
February 24, 2022
“I hate how much time I wasted,” she says. “I spent all those years not knowing any better.”
