Happiness Is Disliking the Correct People
April 29, 2022
I’m super happy these days. And a big part of that is who I don’t have around me.
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Make Space for Positive Emotions Like You Would a Quiet Friend
April 28, 2022
We must check in on these other emotions that are quieter and more easily forgotten. It’s very much like creating space for a quiet friend to participate in a conversation when they’re trying to talk but no one is listening to them.
When They Want a Contract That’s Only Binding on Your Side
April 27, 2022
“It’s wild,” I say. “They love commitment, that’s the funny thing. But only when it means other people are beholden to them. It’s like they want a contract but one that’s only binding on your side.”
I Am Tired of Big Moments. I’m Craving Something Small.
April 26, 2022
I’m tired of big moments. Unprecedented this or that. There’s a reason that “may you live in interesting times” is considered a curse and not a blessing.
When You’re So Scared of Being the Mean Girl That You Project & Assume Everyone Hates You
April 25, 2022
I’ve had a really hard time the past couple of years, thinking that people don’t like me. Seriously, it’s been a very marked uptick the past few years.
The Worst Feeling Is Dealing With an Unwelcome Epiphany
April 24, 2022
The worst feeling is when you realize that the thing other people have been telling you for years, the thing you dismissed out of hand, didn’t want to be true, didn’t think could possibly be true… is true.
No One Wants to Go First, But Someone Has to
April 23, 2022
No one wants to go first, but someone has to.
When the Only Reason You’re Staying Is Because You Said You Would
April 22, 2022
He storms out. It’s the worst thing I could have said. I’ll think about that a lot later — how sometimes the truth is the worst possible thing you can say. And how if the truth is the worst possible thing you can say, that’s a sign that it needs to end.
We Never Know How Bad Something Is Until It’s Over
April 21, 2022
I’m forever amazed by how we never know how bad something is until it’s over. Not until the worst of it has passed and we’re safe do we feel the pain of the experiences we’re merely surviving.
When Someone Goes Way Out of Their Way for You & You Don’t Know What to Do
April 20, 2022
I don’t know what to make of any of it. I want to appreciate it, but I don’t want to be entitled to it.
The Sneaky Thing About Burnout Is That Fun Things Can Also Lead to It
April 19, 2022
The sneaky thing about burnout is that fun things can lead to it. Not just work-work.
A Very Wise Person Once Told Me That Yes = No & No = Yes
April 18, 2022
There’s no getting around it. One of the most sabotaging things you can do is not set boundaries with other people. It can be extremely damaging to your life and happiness if you regularly say yes to other people when you really want to say no.
When You End Up, By Surprise, On One of the Best Dates You’ve Ever Had
April 17, 2022
I’ve been sitting here, the morning after an amazing date, trying to figure out why it hit me so hard. Why it was one for the books.
The Terrible Struggle to Not Get Taken Advantage of Without Becoming a Bean Counter
April 16, 2022
“I know keeping score is toxic for relationships. Those cycles can be so damaging and destructive to emotional connection. I get that. I don’t want to be a bean counter. I really don’t. It’s just behavior feels like the fast track to getting taken advantage of.”
I Feel All Sorts of Things But Know That Most Of It Isn’t Important
April 15, 2022
In mindfulness work, they talk a lot about how emotions are visitors. They come and they go. And no matter how intense the feeling is, it eventually lifts.
I Had It Backwards. It’s Wonderful Not Being All That Important.
April 14, 2022
I love doing my own thing and having my sweet little life to savor.
I Feel So Loved By “I’ll Be Here For You While You Figure It Out”
April 13, 2022
I have a giant soft spot for anyone who can honor both the size of the challenge and the scope of my strength.
The Moment I Look At You, You Look Away
April 12, 2022
Every time I look at you, you look away.
We Don’t Do a Good Job Celebrating a Calm Heart or a Calm Life
April 11, 2022
We don’t do a good job celebrating a calm heart or a calm life. But now that I’ve experienced both, I can honestly tell you that there’s nothing I enjoy more.
“Just Wait ’til You Get Older”
April 10, 2022
“Just wait ’til you get older,” my mother says, in that buzz-killing tone of voice she’s been perfecting for decades.
An Update About Miracle Workers and Kindle Vella, 40+ Episodes Into This Experiment
April 9, 2022
It has been oddly vulnerable writing what’s essentially a rough draft of a book in public with an audience. I’ve loved hearing from you about the story as I go. Here’s what it’s been like writing for Kindle Vella.
I’ve Never Understood the Point of Competing with Your Partner
April 8, 2022
“We get it,” my mother grumbles. “He’s perfect.”
“Well, I’m happy for you,” my grandmother says.
People Try to Convince Me to Get Nicer Things for Myself… and I’m Not Sure How to Take It
April 7, 2022
I’m never quite sure whether to feel loved or profoundly misunderstood by this tendency of other people to talk me into getting nicer things for myself.
“It’s the Hyperindependence of the Traumatized Again.”
April 6, 2022
People who know me well consistently point to things I do and say, “Yes, that’s you being hyperindependent again. It’s the hyperindependence of the traumatized again.” The idea is that when bad things have happened to you, the way you avoid learning helplessness is to be become very self-sufficient. You become strong. Take care of yourself.
Polyamorous People Are Just People
April 5, 2022
The reality is that polyamorous people are just people… and that’s a very good thing.
It Can Confuse Others When You’re Not Looking to Date New People While Polyamorous
April 4, 2022
I’m enjoying the simplicity and reconnecting with myself. Maybe it’s confusing to other people, but it’s not confusing to me. At all.
When You’re Suspicious of Your Own “Growth”
April 3, 2022
I have suffered from people pleasing my whole life, and am inclined to change too much for other people, especially if I like them. Even if it makes me miserable. It’s easy in such a situation to be suspicious of your own growth.
“At Least It Didn’t Ruin a Good Mood”
April 2, 2022
I’ve stopped myself, reeling from the surreal feeling of so many things going wrong, and I’ve said, “Well, at least it didn’t ruin a good mood.”
You Spontaneously Did the Thing I Decided I Could Live Without
April 1, 2022
It happens then, on a random day long into the future, years after we first spoke of it. You do the thing I asked you to do. The one you said you could never do.
Fixers Don’t Realize It’s a Huge Deal to Simply Hang Out With Someone Who Is Suffering
March 31, 2022
I know it didn’t feel like enough to you. But it was everything to me. Thank you.
You’re Entitled to Your Story & They’re Entitled to Theirs
March 30, 2022
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
-Anne Lamott
Attraction Is Easy for Me, Trust Isn’t
March 29, 2022
I don’t act on attractions quickly, even if I formed them that way. Attraction is easy for me. Trust isn’t.
