When I Want to Lash Out, I Find Someone Else to Help Instead
September 13, 2021
Make no mistake. I’m not always positive. But I’m definitely a lot more positive than I used to be. And it’s been lifechanging. So much better.
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People Have to Make Up Their Own Minds
September 12, 2021
It can be frustrating, but people have to make up their own minds. If you turn into the town crier when no one asked you to, it’s a bit like going on an unsolicited advice spree. Very few people will listen. Most will find you profoundly annoying.
It’s Hard to Learn You Matter When You’ve Been Conditioned to Think You Don’t
September 11, 2021
Early experiences can set us up to think that our health doesn’t matter. That no one will care or believe us.
Sometimes What Feels Like a Loss Turns Out to Be a Big Gain
September 10, 2021
My relationship with myself improved. Ours fell to pieces. And when it happened, it felt like the end of the world. But something else happened… when my life emptied out, other things flowed in. I had room for people who were supportive and kind.
I Can Feel That You Love Me… For Now
September 9, 2021
I can feel that you love me. For now. And I’m hoping it stays that way.
It’s a Rough Draft Kind of Life for a Bit
September 8, 2021
I find myself wondering if I’ll one day be able to look back on this time and edit it into something cohesive, something presentable. Or if it’ll remain one thing that evades meaning-making.
I’m Sorry, It Does Matter to Me If You Meant to Hurt Me
September 7, 2021
Having had a number of clearly malicious actors do hurtful things and then feebly insist after the fact that they didn’t mean to hurt me, I get it. It’s no good when folks weasel out of dubious acts after the fact, using intent as a cover. But I have to say I’ve found other circumstances where intent is crucial.
The Last Two Years Have Been Some of the Worst of My Life & I’m So Thankful
September 6, 2021
Today’s article is a guest post by frequent Poly.Land contributor Fluffy about what they’ve learned from two of the worst years of their life.
It’s Much Easier to Control Our Actions Than Our Emotions
September 5, 2021
You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings. -Pearl S. Buck
Some Weeks You Get a Refresher Course in Gratitude
September 4, 2021
Some weeks you get a refresher course in gratitude. This past one was last like that for me.
But What If They Don’t Follow the Breakup Plan?
September 2, 2021
All a breakup plan does is help assure you that your delivery of bad news wasn’t cruel. It doesn’t ensure that the other person won’t take it hard or that it’ll be a painless process for you.
And Now We Are 5! Happy Birthday, Poly Land!
September 1, 2021
Happy 5th birthday, Poly Land!
Five years of daily posts. Thank you for being part of this wonderful project.
What Are Comet Relationships?
August 31, 2021
A comet relationship is a romantic and/or sexual connection that passes through one’s life in an intermittent way. Yes, just like a comet only passes by Earth occasionally.
The Focus Group Effect, an Unexpected Upside of Polyamory
August 30, 2021
There is something extremely powerful in having real-time simultaneous deep connections.
When a Bunch of Bad Things Happen, It’s Easy to Think You Deserved It
August 29, 2021
There’s no way of getting around it. When a bunch of bad things happen, it’s easy to think you deserved it.
People Care More Intensely About Loss Than Gain
August 28, 2021
Loss aversion is an interesting phenomenon. Generally speaking, loss aversion is the phenomenon whereby human beings experience greater negative emotions when they lose something than they get a positive emotional boost from gaining the same thing.
It’s Important to Know How Unreliable a Given Narrator Is
August 27, 2021
Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate that the unreliable narrator is not just a literary device… it’s also a fact of life.
I’m Learning to Be a Gentle Self-Parent Instead of an Abusive One
August 25, 2021
The outer result looks the same whether I’m self-abusing bruteforcing or gentle self-parenting. But it feels completely different inside my head. It makes all the difference.
“Wait, Are You Saying that Everyone Has to Be Polyamorous?”
August 24, 2021
“Umm…,” a reader writes. “I read your article from August 5, and I’m super confused. Are you saying that everyone has to be polyamorous?”
I Recently Went Through 4+ Years of Old Writing & Hundreds of Drafts
August 23, 2021
I recently went over 439 unfinished drafts from the past 4-5 years and finished or deleted them. How many did I keep? How many did I delete?
Living Alone Is Hard… But So Is Living With Other People
August 22, 2021
Living alone is hard… but so is living with other people. Pick your hard, the universe says.
Sharing Your Fantasies With a Partner Can Take Courage
August 21, 2021
I can’t expect everyone I date to be into absolutely everything I’m into. But what I can expect is this: That they respond respectfully even if it’s not their kink.
“I Want to Be Close to You,” You Said, “But I Want You to Do Everything Differently.”
August 20, 2021
I’ve never been enough for you, not the way I am. “I want to be close to you,” you’ve always said to me, “but I want you to do everything differently.”
I Can’t Be Brave Enough for Both of Us
August 19, 2021
I can be brave for me, and I can help you be brave for you. But I can’t be brave enough for both of us. I wish I could feel things for you that you’re not ready, willing, or able to feel. And vice versa.
Once Upon a Time, I Dated the Couple from Hell
August 18, 2021
I was mistreated by a couple I dated in the worst possible way.
I Pretty Much Only Date Other Sensitive People, But This Comes With a Downside.
August 17, 2021
I pretty much only date other sensitive people, but this comes with a downside.
When You Outgrow Your Relationship Agreement, It’s a Kind of Success
August 16, 2021
When you outgrow your relationship agreement, it’s a kind of success — not an indictment of relationship agreements.
Yes, Happiness Really Is Other People.
August 15, 2021
Wanting companionship isn’t a sign that anything is wrong with you. It’s a fundamental part of how human beings, obligate social animals, even operate.
I Did Everything Wrong Dating You… and It Turned Out Okay
August 14, 2021
When it came to our relationship, I did everything “wrong” — and it turned out okay.
What I’ve Learned About Cooperating to Compete From Traveling with a Racing Team
August 13, 2021
If freaking racecar drivers can share so seamlessly, there’s hope for the rest of us, I say.
