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closeup of a sad dog waiting for its owner to return

“I Want You to Be More Selfish,” He Says

He’s urging me to be selfish — but everything within me tells me he doesn’t want this. That it’s doomed. And following this suggestion feels like it’ll hurt both of us. So being selfish would be a bad move selfishly here.

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a baseball in a baseball glove sitting in a grassy field

I Am Worrying Until It Happens

I can’t help myself. I am worrying up until it happens. And the worst part of it is that if it never happens, this means that I’m worrying forever. I’m training for a game I’ll never actually have to play. And it isn’t even fun.

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a cat in a carrier

Accepting Reality Doesn’t Mean It Always Feels Good

I feel empty as we’re driving home without him. Both of my cats are elderly — I know what that means. But it still hurts in the moment, as you’re dealing with illness — and mortality, its spectral twin always waiting in the wings.

Accepting reality doesn’t mean it always feels good.

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