I Have Probably Argued with You The Most & That’s a Good Sign
June 13, 2021
That’s how you know you have something special. It’s not when you always agree, but when you feel safe enough to not shy away from natural conflict but to embrace it.
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I’m Making a Commitment to Stop Necroposting in My Mind (Or at Least Try)
June 12, 2021
It occurred to me the other day that as much as I laugh at necroposting when it happens online — and as much as I try hard not to do it online, that I’m guilty of doing something similar mentally.
Sometimes It’s Quicker to Start Over Than to Fix & Fix & Fix
June 11, 2021
The trouble with sunk cost fallacy is that it’s logical in one sense — it is aggravating to throw away hard work and investment, no matter how doomed the current prognosis is. But it really does us no favors as the overall loss can be much greater if we don’t walk away.
“Stop Texting to See Who Your Friends Are” Is Just Relationship Testing
June 10, 2021
Relationship testing is doing anything that’s intended to indirectly ascertain if the other person cares about you or the relationship you have.
Physical Pressure Can Be Like a Calming Drug
June 9, 2021
They wrapped their arms tightly around me, and every neuron in my body sung in perfect harmony.
You Need at Least a Couple of People Who Are Willing to Tell You What You Don’t Want to Hear
June 8, 2021
If you go too far with disregarding criticism and paring down your social circle accordingly, it’s possible for well-meaning people to find themselves with only “yes people” in their lives.
I Want a Chance to Miss You
June 7, 2021
There’s nothing I like more than seeing you again after we’ve been apart.
No, Really. I Don’t Care If I Ever Get Better at Doing Something I Enjoy But Do Badly.
June 6, 2021
It would seem that I’m not the only person out there who has trouble accepting that you can do something simply because you like doing it — with no expectation of ever getting good at it. Even as I said I didn’t care if I ever got better at it, I heard from lots of folks who felt it was their duty to assure me that I would.
I Think I Figured Out Why Other People Think I’m Competitive
June 5, 2021
For me, pushing myself was never really about besting the other people. I think I learned somewhere along the way that love is something you earn by being useful to other people — doing things for them, making them look good, pleasing them somehow.
We Don’t Want to Know That It Might Take a Few Heartbreaks to Find a Good Relationship
June 4, 2021
Why do we convince ourselves that bad relationships are obvious?
We don’t want to know that it might take a few heartbreaks to find a good one.
I Dream of a Place Where Everything Is Solid
June 3, 2021
Sometimes I dream of a place where everything is right. Nothing’s wrong. I can snuggle to your chest and listen to your heart and stay in the stillness of that moment.
When You’re So Happy Something Good Happened to Someone Else, You Forget to Be Disappointed It Hasn’t Happened to You
June 2, 2021
I’ve never had a surprise party thrown for me (by anyone).
But I have fond memories of being a coconspirator in planning someone else’s.
Learning to Argue Forward Instead of Talking Back
June 1, 2021
Once I started to argue forward instead of talking back, what happened was astonishing. Instead of getting mired down infinitely in non-productive squabbles and tanking my productivity, I was made more productive by critical comments
Why It’s Easy for Well-Meaning Polyamorous People to Engage in Sneakiarchy
May 31, 2021
Even in the most egalitarian polyamory relationship system, relationships that have gone on for any length of time will involve multiple roles.
Those Days When You Really Don’t Want to Do Anything
May 30, 2021
Sometimes self-care is resting, bubble baths, and indulgence. And other times self-care is pushing yourself to keep going when you’d rather give up.
Meta-Emotions & What to Do About Difficult Ones
May 29, 2021
Meta-emotions are how you feel and think about feelings — your own and others.’
I Spend A Lot of Time Worrying About Losing Lovers Out of the Blue… But That Doesn’t Happen to Me
May 28, 2021
I’ve had to come to terms with the reality that I have been taking the wrong advice in one arena.
It’s Been Uncomfortable Figuring Out the Ways I Contribute to My Own Unhappiness
May 27, 2021
It’s been uncomfortable figuring out the ways I contribute to my own unhappiness… but it’s essential.
The Difference Between Actively & Passively Closing a Relationship
May 26, 2021
One major thing I’ve learned is that there’s a huge difference between actively and passively closing a relationship. Of the two, active closings typically cause a lot more collateral damage.
Letting Myself Do Something Just Because I Enjoy It Feels Like Rebellion
May 25, 2021
It feels truly indulgent to keep doing a hobby that I have zero natural talent for simply because I enjoy it. Weird maybe, but I always felt this pressure to be good at things — and to spend my time doing the things I was good at. Not farting around at something where I’m the world’s slowest learner.
I Can’t Believe I’m Saying This, But Good Relationships Can Have Problems
May 24, 2021
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but good relationships can have problems.
“Well, duh, Page,” some of you might be saying. “Why are you devoting an article to this? Isn’t this common sense?”
You would think, I suppose. But no.
Confession: I’m Glad I Didn’t Know What Changing Would Cost Me
May 23, 2021
I’m glad I didn’t know how much changing my life would cost me. This way I learned a lesson that would have terrified me if I’d had too much warning.
People Who Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt Are Happier Than Those Who Default to Suspecting Others
May 22, 2021
Is it actually a good strategy to give other people the benefit of the doubt if you want a happy life?
Good People Put Back Their Shopping Carts. The Best People Return Them in the Rain.
May 21, 2021
My favorite people don’t just do the right thing when no one’s forcing them to; they also do it when it’s hard. It’s often something they take for granted about themselves, but I think it’s amazing.
Yes, I Really DID Like Going One or Two Places
May 20, 2021
I love going one or two places again. It feels better than the new normal everyone worried me about. It feels familiar and comfortable, like slipping into old clothes that have gotten used to my body and fit me perfectly.
I Don’t Know that My Past Self Would Have Listened to Me
May 19, 2021
It’s something I try to keep in mind when a friend asks me for advice and then ignores it. I ignored an awful lot of good advice, too — and would have probably ignored my future self once upon a time.
Being Able to Be Goofy With Someone Is a Form of Intimacy
May 18, 2021
Being able to be goofy with someone is a form of intimacy. Like every other form of intimacy, it’s not for everyone. But it’s definitely for me.
The Toughest Competition Is Against My Own Imagination
May 17, 2021
My imagination is really tough competition. Reality just can’t keep up.
Study Says Any Mental Health Effects From Social Media & Device Use Don’t Seem to Be Getting Any Worse
May 16, 2021
Despite the heightened level of public concern over both cell phone use and social media dominance, the research picture of their mental health effects is rather complicated.
Huh. Men With Depression & Anxiety Use Dating Apps More But Reach Out to Matches Less
May 15, 2021
A recent study found that men with depression and anxiety use dating apps more but reach out to matches less.
When Things Get a Bit Better, But You Start to Worry About Smaller Things Instead of Not Worrying At All
May 14, 2021
Given the choice, I would prefer not to worry anymore. I would prefer if that’s what happens once the big picture is (mostly) safe. But maybe that’s not how it works — and the best we can do is be fortunate enough to worry about smaller things.
Maybe I Don’t Want to Be Brave Anymore
May 13, 2021
“I’ll admit I’ve definitely had days where I’ve thought to myself that maybe I don’t want to be brave anymore. Maybe I want someone to take care of me for a bit. Take a season off. Be a sweetly spoiled baby for a change.”
