“How Are You Doing?” Hits Differently When You’re Grieving
May 23, 2022
“How are you doing?” hits differently when you’re grieving.
Archives
Browse by Month
The Pain Isn’t Going Away, So I Might As Well Put It to Work
May 13, 2022
The reality is that burnout can take an awfully long time to recover from.
Gracious Polyamorous Relationship Systems Are the Ones That Thrive
May 12, 2022
I’ve seen amazing relationship systems, where people were happy, things were harmonious — and everyone in them suffered mostly from a kind of “pinch me” syndrome.
We’ve Been With So Many People Over the Years, Just Being Us
May 11, 2022
I get a little dizzy thinking about it sometimes. And proud of us. For the flexibility, for being kind during those dances even if we sometimes stepped on each other’s toes.
You Gave Me the World & Said It Was No Big Deal
May 10, 2022
You have no idea how wonderful you are. How much you help. You gave me the world and said it was no big deal.
Long-Term Happiness in Polyamory Is About Choosing the Hard Thing That Helps You Grow
May 9, 2022
Being successful at polyamory really is about choosing the hard thing that helps you grow.
I Wish I Could Explain What “Chemistry” Even Is
May 8, 2022
I’ll keep telling people I care about them, even if it sometimes results in a broken heart.
What’s “Obvious” About Us to Other People Is Often Hidden
May 7, 2022
We should be grateful for those moments when someone finally tells us the “obvious.” Whether it’s complimentary or not.
I Wish I Were One of Those People With Neat Handwriting
May 6, 2022
I was a strange little goblin growing up, and the adults were pessimistic about me from early on.
I Am Grateful for All the Past Heartbreaks That Taught Me to Appreciate This
May 5, 2022
I’m grateful for all the past heartbreaks that taught me to appreciate this. And all my partner’s heartbreaks that taught them to appreciate me.
Isolation Made Me Forget Who I Was
May 4, 2022
Isolation made me forget who I was, and it made me think people hate me.
He Had All the Time in the World to Tell Me Who I Should Be
May 3, 2022
“This is the way you’ll jump to the front of the line,” he said. And he spelled out a list of wants and needs — and wants disguised as needs.
Why I Rarely Split the Bill With Friends
May 2, 2022
My favorite thing about sharing is that when everyone takes turns doing it, life is truly wonderful.
You Have Ruined Me & It Makes Dating So Difficult
May 1, 2022
Most of what I find when I do the active online dating thing is transactional behavior and really boring conversations.
The One Thing I Can’t Stop Thinking About That Still Hurts Me
April 30, 2022
I’ve been holding on to something for a long time. A very long time.
Happiness Is Disliking the Correct People
April 29, 2022
I’m super happy these days. And a big part of that is who I don’t have around me.
Make Space for Positive Emotions Like You Would a Quiet Friend
April 28, 2022
We must check in on these other emotions that are quieter and more easily forgotten. It’s very much like creating space for a quiet friend to participate in a conversation when they’re trying to talk but no one is listening to them.
When They Want a Contract That’s Only Binding on Your Side
April 27, 2022
“It’s wild,” I say. “They love commitment, that’s the funny thing. But only when it means other people are beholden to them. It’s like they want a contract but one that’s only binding on your side.”
I Am Tired of Big Moments. I’m Craving Something Small.
April 26, 2022
I’m tired of big moments. Unprecedented this or that. There’s a reason that “may you live in interesting times” is considered a curse and not a blessing.
When You’re So Scared of Being the Mean Girl That You Project & Assume Everyone Hates You
April 25, 2022
I’ve had a really hard time the past couple of years, thinking that people don’t like me. Seriously, it’s been a very marked uptick the past few years.
The Worst Feeling Is Dealing With an Unwelcome Epiphany
April 24, 2022
The worst feeling is when you realize that the thing other people have been telling you for years, the thing you dismissed out of hand, didn’t want to be true, didn’t think could possibly be true… is true.
No One Wants to Go First, But Someone Has to
April 23, 2022
No one wants to go first, but someone has to.
When the Only Reason You’re Staying Is Because You Said You Would
April 22, 2022
He storms out. It’s the worst thing I could have said. I’ll think about that a lot later — how sometimes the truth is the worst possible thing you can say. And how if the truth is the worst possible thing you can say, that’s a sign that it needs to end.
We Never Know How Bad Something Is Until It’s Over
April 21, 2022
I’m forever amazed by how we never know how bad something is until it’s over. Not until the worst of it has passed and we’re safe do we feel the pain of the experiences we’re merely surviving.
When Someone Goes Way Out of Their Way for You & You Don’t Know What to Do
April 20, 2022
I don’t know what to make of any of it. I want to appreciate it, but I don’t want to be entitled to it.
The Sneaky Thing About Burnout Is That Fun Things Can Also Lead to It
April 19, 2022
The sneaky thing about burnout is that fun things can lead to it. Not just work-work.
A Very Wise Person Once Told Me That Yes = No & No = Yes
April 18, 2022
There’s no getting around it. One of the most sabotaging things you can do is not set boundaries with other people. It can be extremely damaging to your life and happiness if you regularly say yes to other people when you really want to say no.
When You End Up, By Surprise, On One of the Best Dates You’ve Ever Had
April 17, 2022
I’ve been sitting here, the morning after an amazing date, trying to figure out why it hit me so hard. Why it was one for the books.
The Terrible Struggle to Not Get Taken Advantage of Without Becoming a Bean Counter
April 16, 2022
“I know keeping score is toxic for relationships. Those cycles can be so damaging and destructive to emotional connection. I get that. I don’t want to be a bean counter. I really don’t. It’s just behavior feels like the fast track to getting taken advantage of.”
I Feel All Sorts of Things But Know That Most Of It Isn’t Important
April 15, 2022
In mindfulness work, they talk a lot about how emotions are visitors. They come and they go. And no matter how intense the feeling is, it eventually lifts.
I Had It Backwards. It’s Wonderful Not Being All That Important.
April 14, 2022
I love doing my own thing and having my sweet little life to savor.
I Feel So Loved By “I’ll Be Here For You While You Figure It Out”
April 13, 2022
I have a giant soft spot for anyone who can honor both the size of the challenge and the scope of my strength.
