“You Can’t Say Anything These Days”
April 15, 2021
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen variations on this same theme: Mean comment. Backlash. “You can’t say anything these days.”
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How I Keep From Being Easily Offended
April 14, 2021
It’s something I try to keep in mind, particularly when I’m dealing with someone who is being very bitter. Someone who is intent on picking me apart, letting me know my flaws. So eager to find fault that they’ll coax it from even an ambiguous place.
I Knew I Was in Trouble When I Got Sick of the Sound of My Own Self-Soothing
April 13, 2021
“You’ll get through this,” I told myself. “It won’t always be that way.” And immediately felt annoyed.
Stop Waiting Until Everything Is Perfect to Enjoy Your Life
April 12, 2021
The new normal will still probably be kinda weird for a while. Everything won’t be perfect. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life in the weird “new normal.”
Most People Think They’re Above Average
April 11, 2021
It’s a fascinating mainstay that pops up again and again in psychological research: Most people think they’re above average. This is statistically impossible.
Science Says This Is What’s Most Important When You Reject Your Partner’s Sexual Advances
April 10, 2021
It can be extremely helpful to make sure you remind your partner that you love them and find them attractive — especially when turning down one of their advances.
That Narrow Place Where You’re Egoistic But Not Egotistic Is Prime Real Estate
April 9, 2021
It’s been hard work learning to take care of myself (and others) without turning into a vain jerk. It’s a trickier balance than most admit. That narrow place where you’re egoistic but not egotistic is prime real estate.
You Don’t Think You’re All That Great — But That’s Probably a Good Sign.
April 8, 2021
All I want to say is this: I know you don’t think you’re all that great — but that’s probably a good sign.
I Have Better Success with Tricking Myself to Do Things Than Forcing Myself
April 7, 2021
It takes so much more energy to get back into the groove when you’ve jumped out than it does to just roll in the groove once you’re well seated there.
What’s Wrong With Saying Someone Else Took It the Wrong Way
April 6, 2021
It’s something folks who are trying to defend hurtful “jokes” throw out as a quick defense. “You took that the wrong way. Don’t be so sensitive. Can’t you take a joke?”
I’ve Learned the Most from Watching People Who Seem to Know What They’re Doing
April 5, 2021
I’ve learned the most from watching people who seem to know what they’re doing
Going Through the Motions Still Pedals the Bike
April 4, 2021
The heart sometimes tricks us into thinking that it needs to be involved in big changes. But it’s not strictly true.
Nightmares Can Bring Increased Stress & Decreased Mood & Health the Following Day
April 3, 2021
A recent study found that when people had nightmares, it resulted not only in decreased mood and health the following day but also an increased physiological response to stress.
“I Want You to Be More Selfish,” He Says
April 2, 2021
He’s urging me to be selfish — but everything within me tells me he doesn’t want this. That it’s doomed. And following this suggestion feels like it’ll hurt both of us. So being selfish would be a bad move selfishly here.
It Worries Me That the Divorce Rate Is Higher for Second & Third Marriages
April 1, 2021
Quite a few first marriages end in divorce. But what has been even more surprising to me is this: Second marriages have a higher divorce
I Often Wish I Were Better at Denial
March 31, 2021
I often wish I were better at denial. It would come in handy.
That Moment When Someone Has Hurt You But Doesn’t Realize & You Have to Tell Them
March 30, 2021
I hate that moment when you’re really upset with what someone else did, but your first instinct isn’t to simply tell them. Because this time
I Stress Myself Out By Not Taking People for Granted
March 29, 2021
Making sure not to take people for granted but NOT stressing out about things going badly so much that you ruin your joy is a lot more delicate of a balance than most ever admit it is.
I Am Worrying Until It Happens
March 28, 2021
I can’t help myself. I am worrying up until it happens. And the worst part of it is that if it never happens, this means that I’m worrying forever. I’m training for a game I’ll never actually have to play. And it isn’t even fun.
I’m Learning to Appreciate the Value of Everyday Work
March 27, 2021
There are countless individuals who we will never know who are making life possible for millions of us — albeit in a small way. There are infinite ways to contribute and make a difference, even if no one ever makes a movie of your life. If you never get some big award.
Yes, I’m a Disaster Human, But I’m Doing My Best.
March 26, 2021
I do a few things well but most things poorly. Especially the basics. Stuff other people take for granted. Yes, I’m a disaster human, but I’m doing my best.
“Wow, I Guess We’re the Adults Now…”
March 25, 2021
“Wow,” I found myself saying, “I guess we’re the adults now…”
The Strange Math of a Bravery Budget
March 24, 2021
Being terrified but powerless can make you feel like you have nothing to lose. So why not tackle all the scary things?
I Want You to Grow, But Will You Leave Me Behind?
March 23, 2021
“If you love something, let it go,” they say. And I used to think that was the silliest saying I’d ever heard. Because I thought
It Never Feels Real Until I Tell Someone Else
March 22, 2021
Every time something exciting happens, I have a familiar urge, one that’s plagued me my entire life. I immediately want to tell someone else.
The Trouble With Change Is Sometimes You Leave Others Behind
March 21, 2021
On one hand, I embrace change — in myself and others. I know that without change, stagnation sets in — an incredibly damaging force. But on the other hand, the trouble with change is sometimes you leave others behind.
Identity Confusion Drives People to Get Back With Their Exes
March 20, 2021
Turns out that there’s another way that breaking up with someone can really throw us for a loop: It can result in identity confusion.
The Kindest People I Know All Have Unshakeable Inner Cores
March 19, 2021
A lot of people assume that kind people are weak — and that’s a mistake. Because the kindest people I know all have unshakeable inner
Accepting Reality Doesn’t Mean It Always Feels Good
March 18, 2021
I feel empty as we’re driving home without him. Both of my cats are elderly — I know what that means. But it still hurts in the moment, as you’re dealing with illness — and mortality, its spectral twin always waiting in the wings.
Accepting reality doesn’t mean it always feels good.
Do You Owe Everyone Open, Honest Communication?
March 17, 2021
“I do know people who think that you owe everyone open, honest communication no matter who they are.”
“See,” my friend says, “to me, that seems like an awful lot of work.”
If You’re Not Upset When Something Goes Wrong, People Think You’re Not Taking It Seriously
March 16, 2021
It’s hard to solve complex problems if you’re upset. But people think you’re not taking something seriously if you’re not upset. Mindfulness made me seem shady in times of conflict.
A Blurry Snapshot from Late-Stage Pandemic
March 15, 2021
It’s a very small moment of emotional connection, but given how tired and stressed everyone is, it means a lot to me.
