When do you decide someone’s a hopeless case?” she says. She’s been describing a troubling pattern of mistreatment and then apology with her and another person. It’s been going on a long time. She’s very unhappy. And while she’s an optimist, she just isn’t seeing much improvement. Instead, the apologies seem more like placation. Smoothing over. With no intention to really change.
And just like that, I wrote, after several seasons of unrelenting, crushing grief and depression, I am finally getting somewhere.
I still don’t know where I’m going, but there’s movement.
I fear commitment. I do. And not because I can’t commit. I certainly can. It’s because I take it seriously.
In my dreams, you realize how great you are. You finally stop arguing with me — and the rest of the world — and you accept that you’re good, that you’re loved, that you matter.
I look forward to my alone time now… and thankfully I can make it materialize when the world seems to be too much.
Something happenstance can become expected by someone else, which can result in unexpected consequences.
I haven’t broken that trust I’ve started to extend myself. And I think I know why: It’s because I’m not focused on providing as much rest as possible. No, instead, I’m focused on my overall well-being.
“If you really loved me, you’d just know,” she says. And it’s then I know it’s over. That we won’t make it very much longer.
I’m watching you fight a bully. And it takes everything I have to not step in and fight on your behalf. But I do it for a simple reason: You asked me not to intervene.
Some of the best relationships I’ve had ever had — whether they were romantic, friendship, or some mix of both — were very similar to cold-brewing tea.
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean it. I wish I could take it back.”
Sometimes in spite of our best efforts, we find ourselves in conflict with other people. And sometimes in spite of our best efforts, emotional tensions rise, tempers flare, and things go off the rails.
It comes as quite a surprise to everyone who gets to know me, the first time they see me take down a bully.
Don’t date anyone who treats you worse than a friend.
I’m doing NaNoWriMo for the very first time. Have you done it? How did it go?
“I guess what gets me is that he lost his temper, chewed everyone out, didn’t apologize, pretended it never happened… and then was surprised when everyone soured on him.”
“Let’s do an experiment,” Justin said.
“What if trash talking an ex is part of not looking back?” she says. “What if it’s making some closure? Some distance. What if it’s training yourself to care less — and so not be tempted to end up in the same patterns?”
A reader asks: ” Is it okay to give advice or try to solve someone’s problem when they’re about to cry? Or is that a no-no?”
What is productivity dysmorphia anyway? It’s an unhealthy relationship with your sense of productivity. When you achieve things, you may suffer from a nagging inner voice that says, “So what? What’s the big deal?” Yes, you may experience this even as other people congratulate you for your achievements.
The trouble wasn’t that I wanted to be liked. The trouble was that I wasn’t specific. I wanted everyone to like me, you see. And the flaw in my logic never occurred to me. Why would I want everyone to like me? I didn’t even like everyone.
It’s not the love story that the movies sell us, but there really is something fantastic about being consistent — and I’ve found that my favorite people not only appreciate that quality in me but are consistent in return.
It’s been something like 12 years now, but I still remember when I first got on Facebook.
I am happy that I’m growing older. I don’t want to never age; I want to age well.
“It seems weird to other people, but it feels like the right move.”
I know you don’t think you can do it. But you can do it. I can see you can do it.
Misattribution of arousal is a term for a phenomenon that was first noted in classic psychological studies whereby participants would feel stimulation by one cause and wrongly attribute it to something else.
Sometimes crying can’t be helped. And unfortunately the things that people say when they see you’re about to cry can make the situation even worse. Here are a few common ones.
I know it’s hard to watch the way your toxic ex has rewritten history. The distorted way they talk about the time you spent together — and what it all means now that it’s over.
I feel like I’m getting close to oblivion again. Like I’m playing self-disrespect chicken. And yet… I can’t step back. The best I can do is hold still and wait.
It’s been a weird couple of years. For me personally. But as I type those words, I’m painfully aware of how that statement resonates with practically everyone: “It’s been a weird couple of years.”
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