Which World Am I In Again?
July 25, 2022
I never planned for this spring and summer to be so difficult. But does anyone ever? It isn’t as though people pencil in traumas on their calendars or dutifully schedule major losses.
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You Shouldn’t Have to Trick Someone Into Dating You
June 22, 2022
The less time you spend on relationships that shouldn’t happen, the more time you have to discover and explore the ones that should.
Working On Yourself Is a Thankless Job
June 17, 2022
Some people need you sick to find you useful and want you around.
The Difference Between Not Being Upset and Wanting to Not Be Upset
June 15, 2022
There was a difference between not being upset and wanting to not be upset. And I had been conflating the two.
Aw heck.
It Can Be Lonely to Go Off Autopilot But Worth It
June 13, 2022
Sometimes it seems like it’d be better to go on autopilot. Easier certainly. And a heck of a lot less lonely than questioning the status quo or forcing myself out of my comfort zone.
I Find It Easy to Fall for People Who Make Me Feel Better About Myself
June 8, 2022
Figuring out what romantic relationships and close friendships I want to have has also involved figuring out what aspects of myself I want to feel better about and which ones I want to work on.
How Long Will It Be Until I Forget?
June 6, 2022
My mother said once that I have a hard time getting over things because I have a good memory. “If you could only just forget, you’d feel better. Forgetting helps us let go of the pain.”
Learning to See an Imperfect Person Perfectly
June 3, 2022
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”
-Sam Keen
It’s Tough to Stay in the Moment & Yet Plan for the Future
June 1, 2022
It’s tough to stay in the moment and yet plan for the future.
Give Your Suffering Friends Time to Heal
May 27, 2022
The biggest gift we can give someone who is suffering is just holding space and being there for them.
You’re Great When Things Don’t Go as Planned & That’s Amazing
May 25, 2022
All week I’ve looked forward to this, and now it’s cancelled. It’s such a small thing, but I’m far more disappointed than I want to be.
“How Are You Doing?” Hits Differently When You’re Grieving
May 23, 2022
“How are you doing?” hits differently when you’re grieving.
The Pain Isn’t Going Away, So I Might As Well Put It to Work
May 13, 2022
The reality is that burnout can take an awfully long time to recover from.
Gracious Polyamorous Relationship Systems Are the Ones That Thrive
May 12, 2022
I’ve seen amazing relationship systems, where people were happy, things were harmonious — and everyone in them suffered mostly from a kind of “pinch me” syndrome.
We’ve Been With So Many People Over the Years, Just Being Us
May 11, 2022
I get a little dizzy thinking about it sometimes. And proud of us. For the flexibility, for being kind during those dances even if we sometimes stepped on each other’s toes.
You Gave Me the World & Said It Was No Big Deal
May 10, 2022
You have no idea how wonderful you are. How much you help. You gave me the world and said it was no big deal.
Long-Term Happiness in Polyamory Is About Choosing the Hard Thing That Helps You Grow
May 9, 2022
Being successful at polyamory really is about choosing the hard thing that helps you grow.
I Wish I Could Explain What “Chemistry” Even Is
May 8, 2022
I’ll keep telling people I care about them, even if it sometimes results in a broken heart.
What’s “Obvious” About Us to Other People Is Often Hidden
May 7, 2022
We should be grateful for those moments when someone finally tells us the “obvious.” Whether it’s complimentary or not.
I Wish I Were One of Those People With Neat Handwriting
May 6, 2022
I was a strange little goblin growing up, and the adults were pessimistic about me from early on.
I Am Grateful for All the Past Heartbreaks That Taught Me to Appreciate This
May 5, 2022
I’m grateful for all the past heartbreaks that taught me to appreciate this. And all my partner’s heartbreaks that taught them to appreciate me.
Isolation Made Me Forget Who I Was
May 4, 2022
Isolation made me forget who I was, and it made me think people hate me.
He Had All the Time in the World to Tell Me Who I Should Be
May 3, 2022
“This is the way you’ll jump to the front of the line,” he said. And he spelled out a list of wants and needs — and wants disguised as needs.
Why I Rarely Split the Bill With Friends
May 2, 2022
My favorite thing about sharing is that when everyone takes turns doing it, life is truly wonderful.
You Have Ruined Me & It Makes Dating So Difficult
May 1, 2022
Most of what I find when I do the active online dating thing is transactional behavior and really boring conversations.
The One Thing I Can’t Stop Thinking About That Still Hurts Me
April 30, 2022
I’ve been holding on to something for a long time. A very long time.
Happiness Is Disliking the Correct People
April 29, 2022
I’m super happy these days. And a big part of that is who I don’t have around me.
Make Space for Positive Emotions Like You Would a Quiet Friend
April 28, 2022
We must check in on these other emotions that are quieter and more easily forgotten. It’s very much like creating space for a quiet friend to participate in a conversation when they’re trying to talk but no one is listening to them.
When They Want a Contract That’s Only Binding on Your Side
April 27, 2022
“It’s wild,” I say. “They love commitment, that’s the funny thing. But only when it means other people are beholden to them. It’s like they want a contract but one that’s only binding on your side.”
I Am Tired of Big Moments. I’m Craving Something Small.
April 26, 2022
I’m tired of big moments. Unprecedented this or that. There’s a reason that “may you live in interesting times” is considered a curse and not a blessing.
When You’re So Scared of Being the Mean Girl That You Project & Assume Everyone Hates You
April 25, 2022
I’ve had a really hard time the past couple of years, thinking that people don’t like me. Seriously, it’s been a very marked uptick the past few years.
The Worst Feeling Is Dealing With an Unwelcome Epiphany
April 24, 2022
The worst feeling is when you realize that the thing other people have been telling you for years, the thing you dismissed out of hand, didn’t want to be true, didn’t think could possibly be true… is true.
