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Whose Story Is It? On Writing Without Permission
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
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“My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory?” he says.
I nod. “When I wrote that book, » Read more
PQ 22.5 — Have I ever spread bitterness in the community or set people against each other by taking sides or by not keeping confidences?
PQ 22.5 — Have I ever spread bitterness in the community or set people against each other by taking sides or by not keeping confidences?
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In order to better understand the context of this question, I reviewed Chapter 22 of More than Two and found the following:
As elsewhere in poly relationships, » Read more
When Someone Blows Your Entire “Conflict Budget”
In today’s essay I’m going to talk about something that will make a lot of sense to recovering people pleasers. It will likely make very little sense to people who don’t have those issues. But perhaps it will still be of utility to those who don’t struggle with people pleasing — but have loved people who do and will get some insight into what goes on in the minds of people they love. » Read more
Being a Planner During a Pandemic Is a Double-Edged Sword
It’d be a really odd notion to my younger self, particularly the wild mess of emotions I evolved into temporarily in my teens and early 20s, that I’m a planner.
But these days, I most certainly am. I’m a planner. And not always in ways that are adaptive and serve me. But sometimes illogically. » Read more
What Happens When a Rivalry Is One-Sided
I was 17 years old. On a trip to another school about 2.5 hours away with my high school jazz ensemble. The band director was friendly with ours. He had arranged some pieces for us to play. Nice guy, actually.
I had gigged with him occasionally and always found him nice to talk to. » Read more
“I Just Want to Talk About It to Prove to Myself I Can”
I’ve poured my heart out again. One of those ridiculous long-winded emotional spiels. The kind that leave me exhausted and worried after the fact.
Because it feels cathartic to get it all out, but the last thing I want to do is alienate the person I’m talking to. Overwhelm them. Cause some sort of secondary problem that I’m not in any shape to clean up. » Read more
For Better or Worse, You Don’t Get to Control How Other People See You
I’m sitting in a pew, attending mass at the church I attended growing up.
It’s been 7 years since I went to a service here, on another visit to my hometown, but surprisingly little has changed since then.
Actually, surprisingly little has changed from 30 years ago, when I was a small child doing my best to remain quiet and tolerate the unending boredom, » Read more
The 5 Apology Styles from Chapman (of the 5 Love Languages)
I’ve been meaning to cover this topic on the blog for a while. As some of you know, I write essays fairly frequently that deal with apologies. While research has shown that people are generally quite unforgiving (a finding I find personally depressing, as people are also imperfect and mess up, » Read more
Maybe It’s Easier If You’ve Never Really Been Close to Other People
My first close friendships were blisteringly intense.
I had one childhood friend, Emma, whose parents were both zoologists. Emma’s family let me come along with them on their family vacations. I can remember vividly, even now, lying with Emma under the covers at night in an old farmhouse as the wind made noise in the rafters, » Read more
The Very Presence of a Community and Other Voices Can Be Reassuring, Regardless of What They’re Even Saying
It’s been interesting, the past decade. Polyamory went from being a relatively obscure term, something that was only discussed in low-tech ancient discussion groups that looked basically like .txt files posted by a few obsessive outliers, to being covered by major news outlets. (The history of this emergence is well covered by Alan M’s blog Polyamory in the News)
While people disagree on whether consensual non-monogamy has caught on as a practice during that time (some people say no, » Read more
