PQ 19.7 — What happens if I or a partner of mine has an unexpected pregnancy?
I’ve Dated People With Children Before. I Would Again.
At one point in my polyamorous life, I had two pregnant girlfriends.
Well, sort of.
One I knew about since she was visibly and obviously pregnant. The other was more low-key pregnant, and I didn’t know that she was carrying until after the first girlfriend gave birth.
Maybe. If I’m doing the math right.
Anyway, that year was the first one in my life that I’d ever dated a pregnant woman, and that year I dated two. It was one of those surreal experiences that you can run into in polyamory that no one prepares you for.
The first big change I noted was that their sex drives changed secondary to the big hormonal changes that accompany pregnancy. Interestingly, one of the women I was seeing had her sex drive spike and the other developed a near-complete lack of interest in sex.
Once they gave birth, it became quite difficult to spend much time with them. Their sleep cycles got messed up. They had extreme time management issues. Since I wasn’t a biological parent (being a woman myself) and in more of a secondary relationship role to them, there wasn’t much expected of me as far as responsibility. I did change some diapers to help out.
In the past, I’ve babysat for a metamour’s children so that she and our shared partner could enjoy a night out.
Having kids in the picture definitely changes the nature of a relationship, even if they aren’t yours. But I’m pretty comfortable with playing a supportive role to the people I’m dating.
I suspect it would be the same if my current girlfriend and metamour decided to have a baby.
As for Me, I Don’t Want to Be a Mother.
Personally, I don’t want to be a mother. Any male partners I’ve ever had have cooperated with me to take great pains and precautions to avoid this outcome.
I’ve never been pregnant.
If I became unexpectedly pregnant, I would consider adoption or abortion as options.
This post is part of a series in which I answer each of the chapter-end questions in More than Two with an essay. For the entire list of questions and answers, please see this indexed list.